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Sept 18,  2012
How did Mitt Romney ever win an election? Is it true this man was once Governor of Massachusetts? Surely this must be back when the governors were appointed by the King. Sad state of presidential politics when Can't Win Mitt faces off against Small Change in Big Pockets. Note to future nominating conventions: If being in touch with real Americans is of any value, next time run someone who went to public high school. Neither of the current candidates would know an American if he drove over one on the way to a Harvard Reunion Mixer.

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July 3,  2012
Thanks to Chief Justice John Roberts, we now know how the story of Solomon's wisdom would have gone had the real mother not spoken up. The Affordable Care Act looks like a law split in two. Both sides DOA.

June 5,  2012
We wonder aloud what you ponder in silence. 
The I'm a Mormon PR campaign where they're just folks like you and me is starting to pay off: already a Broadway Smash Hit and soon a four year run down Pennsylvania Boulevard. The Scientologists didn't have near that success when they ran the same campaign a few years ago. Maybe Tom Cruise and John Travolta should have sat for some of the stills. Will the Muslims be the next to try it out? "I don't look at your wife's ass. My name is Jim Bob al Ansari, and I'm a Muslim." Or how about the Atheists. "I just ran over a rabbit, and kept on driving. I'm a Mormon. No, I mean I'm an Atheist. My name is Jesus Christ and I'm a Jew." Cut!

December 15, 2011
Good night, good-bye and good luck, Christopher Hitchens.

August 10, 2011
Title: Are Voters Stupid or Cynical?
In 2008, on Oprah's recommendation the voters, and by voters I mean you, Maureen Dowd and you, David Brooks, chose Richard Simmons to lead the nation and since then they, you have spent nearly three years bemoaning the fact that he is not Mike Tyson. Tyson, that is Hillary Clinton was there for you on the ballot, but you chose Simmons, that is Barack Obama. You don't buy tickets to a Ballet Recital when you want to see a Hockey Match. So Voters, shut up and enjoy the Pas de Deux. You're paying for it.

February 10, 2011
Title: When Sarah Met Michele
Bachmann that is, not Mme First Lady Obama. George Will said: Let that fortune teller who can predict the GOP prez candidate for 2012 spew forth about revolutions etcetera. We're here to call it first: Sarah Palin will run the lead and Michelle Bachman will saddle up the side kick role for 2012. Mike Huckabee can go back to eating at PopEyes and shopping at Wal-Mart. And poor Mitt Romney. That dog on the roof of the station wagon is as fresh today as Chappaquiddick, so the Mormons can save money by canceling the "I ride a chopper, I'm a Mormon ads." As for Mitch Daniels, Haley Barbour, Johns Thune and Huntsman see: Chris Dodd, Chuck Hagel and Toms Tancredo and Vilsack below. If Rick Santorum were even an afterthought we'd mention him right before the Newt Gingrich Who Stole Christmas And Married Thrice, and thus saved the world of politics from a horrible mistake.

February 7, 2011
Title: Get This Revolution Over Already!
Protestors fill the streets of Cairo, Alexandria and  Suez everyday. And the nightly news of American broadcasters are grateful for the content. However, Iowa soon will be ready for its once every four years close-up. With Sarah Palin looking to provide the sex appeal, the Hawkeye State isn't about to wait until some Cleopatra-come-lately's are done turning the world upside down. Brand Obama has already settled the Left side of the 2012 ticket, so in a bad economy the coffee shops, supermarkets and diners need all the Sarah they can get. 

December 7, 2010
Title: Barack Obama Looks Like A Steamrolled Wile E. Coyote
For over two years political cartoonists have been searching in vain for the core of Barack Obama so they could create a caricature that would hit home. At last we found it, in the desert of west Texas. Yes, sir, just West of the Pecos, a half hour past Yosemite Sam, out there being out maneuvered again and again by the Road Runner is that Number One Consumer of All Things Acme, Wile E. Coyote. That character always seems in charge and ready to pounce with a new box of explosives or a freshly painted tunnel, yet the Road Runner, with just speed and a teasing Beep Beep gets the better of Mr. Coyote every time. No one is going to confuse the GOP with a speedy teaser, at least not until Sarah Palin announces, but the Prez sure fits the mold of Wile E. Coyote: always a little too smart for his own good.

November 29, 2010
Title: Barack Obama Bore's The Shih Tzu Out Of Us
So let's have some fun with Tricky Wicky Leaks.
Leslie Nielsen named Host of the 2011 Oscars Ceremony just hours after being declared Dead, and Naked, and Dead.
Hillary Rodham Clinton reveals life as Rosie O'Donnell's Understudy not as rewarding as expected. Declares she would run for president in 2012 if the State Department can find her an HRC Passport with a more flattering photo.
Heads of States in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia and South America are all having more fun than Prez Obama. Only the Emperor Penguin is as depressed as POTUS and that's because the sun has been absent from Antarctica since April. .  

November 17, 2010
Title: All You Need Is Money Money Money. Money's All You Need. Money's All You Need. Money's All You Need.
Bristol Pistol shows how popular Big Mama Grizzly is with the 'Dancing with Bears' crowd - and they're all likely voters. Apple seals the Fab Four deal, putting Yoko Ono in line for a Nobel Prize for Economics. And all the Prez can do is bathe in another's glory. How's about another bowl of Bakso, Barry? Better watch the Hillary Clinton waistline to see which way the wind blows.

September 25, 2010
Title: The Irrelevant Mister O
Healthcare companies have just signaled their snookering of the Prez with their No Child Left Insured program. Aetna, Anthem and other Big Hospital Bed Bugs waited until the last minute to drop Child Only policies. This is the tip of the iceberg in how the Wise Guys at the Insurance Benefit Society plan to beat back every point they seemed willing to surrender last year when Health Care Reform slash Health Insurance Reform was the Legacy building block of the Transformer Prez. For all the Change We Can Believe In promised, the only thing that will be delivered is a Do Nothing Republican Congress and two more books by Robert Woodward.

August 30, 2010
Title: No Way To Treat The Nation's Assholes
First they made the paper thinner and called it: "Septic Safe". Then they made each sheet shorter and claimed: "Still 1000 Sheets". And now they have narrowed the roll and the boast is: "Stronger Than Ever." Are we talking toilet paper here or the fabric of a Nation?  Short sheeting used to refer to a dormitory prank. It seems to have morphed into an analogy of decline. Big bold claims; tiny crumpled tissues. 

June 1, 2010
Title: Ladies and Gentleman Let Me Present the Duke of Earl

May 9, 2010
Title: Elect The Prez Most Like the Country: Lurch of the The Addams Family
With Lurch from The Addams Family as Prez and Lady Gaga as First Lady, the USA would finally have the leadership it deserves. A swinging lurch to whatever the day's headline and a cosmetic make-over all about image with all the substance of shredded pantyhose seems to define American policy. An oil well explodes and suddenly the prospects for off-shore drilling are reduced to zero. A used Nissan Pathfinder is sold on Craigslist for cash, then fails to explode in Times Square, and now Pakistan has to come to heel or else. The Big Boys at Goldmine Sex make a couple hundred million dollars and so they better get regulated vibrators or the Bailout will need to start squirting again. Arizona passes a law to make being illegal illegal and suddenly Immigration Reform finds itself on the griddle next to Cap and Trade and Financial Reform. Quarterly Results seem so Twentieth Century now as we harvest every new Retail Sale into the Nation's New Course. Is this the New Pragmatism? After spending eighteen months on Health Care Reform, No, Health Insurance Reform, No, Health Care... We now spend eighteen minutes on every new policy shift. It almost makes us long for those good old days six weeks ago when Rahm Emanuel was actually considered newsworthy

April 1, 2010
Title: The Recount in Stockholm Gives Prez Obama Nobel Prize Sweep.
After more than four months of confusion over who really won the Nobel Prizes for Medicine, Economics, Physics, and Literature, the results have finally been made official. Barack Obama, President of the United States of America, has indeed made a clean sweep of the Scandinavian Prizes when his Oslo awarded Peace Prize is added to the mix. That should take some of the sting off his busted brackets from March Madness. This is the second time in history that one person has won all the awards. Pippi Longstocking did it first in 1945 after her success in defeating the Nazis and her work on the Manhattan Project became known.

March 22, 2010
Title: Prez Obama, I Feel Better Already.
Prez Obama, Your last second free throw on abortion won the game for the health care industry of America. It's a victory we can live with, if we survive.

March 21, 2010
Title: Prez Obama, Your Low Expectations Have Left US Poorer
Prez Obama, You could have had Medicare for all, and the voting public wouldn't have been any harder on your party than they are going to be with this convoluted Rube Goldberg about to be enacted. Everyone would have seen everything as clear as a bell with Medicare for all, and considering the tax break on employee based systems, how much more expensive would it have been? Plus the benefit of single payer is the price controls. You could have bent the cost curve like a pole-vaulter's pole. You never trusted the American people to see a simple solution that works. Now your legacy rests with a health care reform package as messy as the tax code. Try to do better on immigration.

March 21, 2010
Title: Prez Obama & Co. Use A Chinese Trick To Game US on Health Care.
Prez Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid learned a lot from the Chinese: like how to add melamine to milk and pet food to boost the test results for protein counts. Babies died in China. Cats and dogs died here when they ate the tainted pet food China exported.Teachers in countless American schools pull the same trick when they teach to the test to put up with No Child Left Behind. The health care bill examined by the CBO was written like a recipe to match whatever ingredients were in the pantry. Is that any way to bake a cake? The number one problem not addressed is this: Half of America spends half its time robbing the other half. When the bill is written with full knowledge that the Doc fix and Medicare cuts will never happen, how can we invest even an ounce of trust? Then add the Half of America factor and you've got clinics, hospitals, doctors and insurance companies all preparing to bend the Health Care rules in the same way they charge for a surgical plaster when what was needed was a Band-Aid. From the 16% of GDP health care now extracts, expect a number near 30% when your children are grown.

March 4, 2010
Title: Prez Obama, Score At Least a Field Goal with Health Care.
Prez Obama will feel a lot of heat if he can't at least score a field goal with his health care team. Hillary Clinton should consider putting the band back together if The One can't at least kick through three points with Nancy Pelosi holding and Harry Reid snapping. It will begin to look like a Long Good Friday if Easter comes and Prez Obama has nothing on his desk to sign but Report Cards from Rhode Island. Minus a Heath Care Bill, Year 1.5 will be the last time Prez Obama will be the presumptive Democratic candidate in 2012. Even John Edwards will start writing a new book: Two Americas, Two Families.

February 28, 2010
Title: Prez Obama, Stay Away From Tiger Woods.
Prez Obama will not let Bill Clinton outshine him in Haiti, in the hospital and now on the phone to Tiger Woods. Calling a fellow infidel in the worst sense of the word is okay for Bill Clinton because unbeknownst to him, he is no longer the President of the United States. But for Prez Obama to make that outreach call to an admitted serial adulterer is a foolhardy attempt at pop culture empathy not becoming the office. There may be a place on America's horizon for the world's greatest golfer, but it's more likely to be on the cover of the National Enquirer than in the Lincoln Bedroom. This is not a Jesus moment, Barry. Don't try to make it one.

February 14, 2010
Title: Politics in America 101.
Prez Obama the Professor had arrived at another teachable moment in his tenure as Instructor in Chief. With the Tea Party movement wasting little time trying to torpedo both the Dems and the GOP, Prez Obama launched his now famous Saturday Night Out With the Republican Boys. Rather than go bowling he bowled them over with charm and chutzpah. They left the ballroom not knowing whether to laugh or cry. The Quarterback finally noticed them. But he also rubbed their noses in his old jock straps. While cleaning up the the trash left behind by the revelers, a janitor said to a junior janitor, "They both take your money. Democrats give it to people you know. Republicans give it to people they know."

January 21, 2010
Title: Why Conan Obama Failed.
Prez Obama failed because he was too much the cowardly lion, too much the heartless tin man and too much the brainless scare crow to recognize that sometimes the nation needs a benevolent dictator who can squeeze the trigger, bust some cherries, solve the problems, then go back to work on his ranch in Montana. The nation knew this and gave the Prez the necessary majorities in both Houses to ensure that problems would be solved. But that didn't happen. Mr Go Slow stalled. Mr Hamlet dithered. Timing is to politics what location is to real estate. Candidate Obama had his timing down. Prez Obama couldn't catch a train at Grand Central Station. Can we pay him 45 million dollars to just go away?

December 2, 2009
Title: Some Roads Don't Have A Middle, Mr. Obama.
Like a middle aged Stewie Griffin, Prez Barack Obama has driven his Big Wheel down the middle of the middle lane so long he has lost the ability to turn, or even find the shoulder when he has a flat tire, which is what the war in Afghanistan clearly is, a punctured balloon tire that won't run flat. Halfway measures failed the stimulus package and turned up the unemployment misery index. A halfway, hands off policy has created a health insurance bonanza while sickening the patient. The final health care reform bill when signed will be a perfect political example of the operation was a success, but the patient died. The whole change we can believe in mantra is based on a fairy tale video game ivory tower existence of a life never lived. Real life is full of curve balls, hit batsmen, called third strikes and bench clearing brawls. Prez Obama is like a chef who has read all the cook books, but has never worked in a kitchen. Nothing ever burns or boils over in a make believe life. Time's up on the training wheels. Get your ass on that bike and head down the hill. If you lose your balance and fall ,,, hell yeah, you will fall over and skin your knees. You may even break an arm and bloody your nose, that's called living. PS: Congratulations on the Pizza Prize. Too bad you don't deliver. PPS: About the White House State Dinner Crashers, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, see Mathias Rust, the German teenager who, along with the war in Afghanistan, brought down the Soviet Union, by flying into Kremlin Square and showing the Emperor Bear wore no clothes.

September 26, 2009
Title: Be Presidential: Pardon Roman Polanski Back to Sarkozi
Prez Barack Obama should tell the Swiss to keep sending the names that go with the numbered bank accounts, but let Roman Polanski slip quietly back over the border.There is no room on the Prez's plate for a septuagenarian fugitive from justice involving a 31 year old case of Hollywood promoted child seduction that also brings the Charles Manson family skeletons back to the table.

September 10, 2009
Title: Would you sell a used car to this man?
Barack Obama walks onto a used car lot looking to trade in his Chrysler 300. A salesman comes up to him a says, "Hello." Mr. Obama smiles and offers the salesman the keys to the Chrysler. "It's got a lot of problems," he says, "and I know not many people want these Gangsta Wannabe's anymore, but I was hoping you could help me get a good deal on something a little less imposing. I really like that cream puff over there with the white sidewalls and the candy-ass red paint job." "We call it candy apple red", the used car salesman says. "That's it. That's the one I want. Whew. You drive a hard bargain, but I was prepared. I read up on these Fords before I came onto this lot." "Well, sir", says the salesman, "we really don't call Edsels Fords." "Look mister, this is no picnic for me either. Just tell me where to sign and I'll be on my way in that Ford Edsel. I've got important things to do. You know I'm making the world safe for democracy. I'm solving the education, energy and health care problems that have plagued America for generations. I personally brought back responsible banking executives. I...." Finally the used car salesman can't take it anymore. "All right all right already, you've outlasted me. Here, sign here. Pay the cashier on your way out. You just bought yourself a candy-ass Edsel." "Ford," says Mr. Obama, already dreaming of someday moving up to a Lincoln.

August 30, 2009
Title: Please remove me these names from the White House Christmas Card list.
Max Baucus, Jeff Bingaman, Kent Conrad, Mary Landrieu, Blanche Lincoln, Ben Nelson and Arlen Specter. These seven Democratic senators who are holding up the health care solution should not survive their primaries.

August 20, 2009
Title: Hillary, Drop State and Get Back in the Game. And Bring Your Balls.
Hillary Clinton should immediately resign her post as Secretary of State, and begin campaigning for the Democratic nomination for 2012. Unless Barack Obama, can steady his nerves and wrestle Ben Nelson et al back on track for Health Care reform, the Democrats are headed for the cliff without a paddle. Hillary seems to be the only Democrat still willing to chew tobacco and spit.

August 9, 2009
Title: With enemies like Barack Obama, who needs friends?
The Republicans will keep calling him names, but no sticks or stones will fly from GOP hands as long as Wall Street, Big Pharma, Big Agra, the HMOs and so many Soon-to-be-Retired Generals are kept happy. That Mama's Jeans First Pitch that Albert Pujols scooped out of the dirt is beginning to stir the vague yet recurrent notion that the David we hired to slay Goliath is indeed: A Sissy.Teddy Roosevelt gave you a big stick, don't swizzle with it.

July 24, 2009
Title: If You Lose, I Lose, So Stop Losing!
I voted for you. With distinction. You see, you are the first presidential candidate I have ever voted for who won the election. So with that investment, I as a shareholder feel the need to offer some advice. Stop the explaining and start twisting some arms. And if that doesn't work, start busting heads. This isn't wine and cheese country. This is America. We voted you sixty senators and an overwhelming House majority, so you could get things done. Tell Reid, you're bringing Byrd and Kennedy in on gurneys, so Snowe and Collins can break bread where they choose. You've got less than six weeks to use your stick and beat some sense into that filibuster proof Congress or spend the rest of your life looking down at your Jimmy Carter blue jeans wondering how it unraveled so quickly. Soon the Wall Street bankers will be passing out year end bonuses, Afghanistan will be claiming double digit daily losses, unemployment will be 11.5 and your House majority and sixty senators will be a memory, but if you get this country Sweden's healthcare you'll be the Lincoln you aspired to.

March 6, 2009
Title: How the Rich Get Richer
They buy out the poor at depressed prices.

October 22, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Time To Punish The GOP. Next Time Punish The Dems.
The electorate is nearing the stage where the lesser of two evils voting program is kicking in. Let us help you who are not positively committed to one candidate or one party. In America we have presidential elections every four years so we can set the compass needle back toward true north. When one party has been so egregious in its treatment of us citizens that we feel Katrina'ed, Iraq'ed and Bailout'ed all at the same time, it's time to right the wrong with a paddle smack on the ass. A slap on the wrist will not do. All Republicans Out! Four years from now, new papers can be served on those who dare to corrupt our worthy nation with self interests. Democrats Beware.

October 11, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: It's Your Party, Cry If You Want To, Cry If You Want To.
The GOP, pronounced gopp, is awash in tears. Their long shot bet on Hail Mary McCain has backfired in ways they never imagined. Their tight little man is all bound up and yearning to be free, but he remains constricted by forces beyond his control like a world eco crash with eco now referring to economics rather than the more upscale ecology. The same uncontrollable forces that have John McCain spinning like a broken top, have Barack Obama surfing the North Shore of Hawaii like Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello. And with McCain going down for the count this early in October, his coattails are a tattered shred that will carry few congressional Republicans. Foresee major losses in the House and perhaps a Democratic Senate that is filibuster proof. We know the Wind Blows Joe Lieberman will back the Democrats 109 per cent after My Friend John is the warm beer and stale pretzels leftover from last night's party.

October 6, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Guess It's Time To Party Like It's 1929.
"Jump!" read the signs. "Jump, you f*ckers!" read the more colorful language signs. "Consider moving this conference closer to the edge of the ledge," reads the Obama sign. "My friends, get the hell back in my helicopter, and bring some beer and broads onboard." John McCain won't know there's a crisis until he's up to his neck in empties.

September 29, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: And We Still Have An October Surprise To Look Forward To.
A doctor announces one of the best lines from the one of the best movies of the nineties, SE7EN, when he lists the miseries of a slothful criminal pederast and tallies it up with the line: "And he still has Hell to look forward to." This is what Campaign 08 feels like. The voters have suffered about as much pain as one electorate can handle from the Pansy versus the Demented and we still have an October surprise ahead of us. If the old saw about the voters getting the president they deserve is true, we must all be living in the seventh circle of the Inferno.

September 26, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Three Brothers Get Ready To Roll A Drunk.
Chuck Schumer from New York, Barney Frank from Boston and Chris Dodd from Connecticut have had the bailout talks about where they wanted them up to now. These three represent the eastern version of the the three sisters from San Francisco: Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein. How does the country get a fair deal on the bailout when it is being negotiated by three insiders? The nation is drunk on credit and these three are ready to rock and roll. John McCain and Barack Obama must see this coming. How do they stop it?

September 24, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Pound Of Flesh Will Cost A Ton Of Money.
John McCain is determined to extract a pound of flesh from some poor scapegoat. Barack Obama will probably send the honesty challenged miscreant to counseling. Both are hoping to swat a tiny mosquito while the elephant that is the 700 Billion Dollar Bailout tramples through the living room. Why senators aren't presidents! If ever there was a challenge to voters in America, we have it now. Which of the two candidates running for the highest office has the guts to say NO to Bush, Bernanke, Paulson et al. We already know Senator Joe from MBNA (now Bank of America) has already sold out his vote, conscience and country long ago; so we will not burden this profile in courage with subtext.

September 20, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Fool Me Once on Iraq Fool Me Twice on The Bailout.
John McCain and Barack Obama will be in a debate before the reality TV versions come up in October. The real debate will be Resolved: Who Do You Trust? If the movie trailer guy, Don LaFontaine, hadn't died he could have said, "In a world where trust is writ large, gullibility rules. From the people who brought you Iraq, comes the sequel Bailout." The Bush administration known for their inability to read the intelligence on Iraq and for the post Shock and Awe bungling of the war are now back to their old tricks of dyslexic reading the stars and hoping for divine guidance. Now they want rushed legislation on mortgage money handouts. Curiously the 700 hundred billions of bailout money is roughly the cost of the war up to now. This McCain Obama debate will trap Obama into casting a vote of trust that he missed before because he wasn't in the senate for Iraq. If he gets fooled into voting Aye on this bailout legislation, he'll have proven as gullible as all those who rushed through the original war funding. McCain and Joe Biden were eager supporters.McCain can fight this new legislation and show that he has learned not to trust the Bushies, while playing the conservative card. Who's the greater fool?

September 19, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Who Wields The Biggest Eraser Wins.
John McCain and Barack Obama are soon to enter the world of the pissing contest. But it won't be about who can splash a tree from a distance of seven feet, or who can drown a frog in a five gallon bucket of piss. This big pisser contest will be won by the man with biggest eraser. Mistakes were made, let's erase them. This is the solution both offer to the world economic turmoil. But whoever can convince the greatest number of voters that his rubout will be larger will be the next president of the United States. It may help to throw a few sacrificial lambs onto the Bonfire of the Vanities for good measure, but the cleanest page should win the day. All those little rubber shards that are left behind when the financial books are cleared will be the mess the public will encounter during the next administration.

September 14, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: He's Too Old and She's Too New.
John McCain was always going to face age discrimination when he tried to be the first seventy-two year old to get the inauguration Hail to the Chief. Choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate exaggerates the call on McCain's dementia. He had choices. He had in Charlie Crist of Florida a governor of a swing state. Instead, McCain went for the bold move: The beauty queen runner up. Instincts are sharp and admirable in youth, we look for wisdom in our elders. McCain has demonstrated that Winning First comes before Country First. The wild cheering ride up to the top of the coaster hill will lead to the screaming downhill realization that America cannot be trusted in the hands of the runner up.

September 5, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Immigration Issues Moving On Out to the Far Side
Give Us Your Rich, Your Educated, Your Talented Yearning To Be Rich. Everybody else, STAY HOME! So sums up Lady Liberty's new motto when it comes to the future welcome offered to immigrants in America. Thus spoke Obama and McCain. No one will get invitations if they have not already proven they can tread the mill faster than the rats they want to leave behind. If you want to get into the United States, you better be willing to be illegal for a few years and pay with your sweat, because unless you've got that American Expresso card, we don't want you. We can't tell you we don't want you because that would be discriminatory. We will continue to let you clean our gutters and honeydip our septic tanks, but don't make any long range plans.

August 29, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Redefining Cool: Steve Urkel With Contact Lens
The word most used to define Barack Obama is cool. Would that be the same cool as Marlon Brando in The Wild One? James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause? Steve McQueen in Bullit? Richard Roundtree in Shaft? Or would it be Steve Urkel after receiving his brand new contact lens kit from Hollywood Makeovers, Inc. For once we are not attacking Mr. Obama. We wonder about the nerdiness of media reporters who have gone from Hemingway and Hammett to Katie Couric and Bryant Gumbel that the word cool could be so defined as to be represented by a part time school teacher/full time bullshit artist.Oh, now we get it. Cool compared to The Today Show. Sure, that makes sense in a William Holden Caulfield kind of Wheel of Fortune way. |C|O|O|L|

August 23, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Barack Obama's Decision One: Take Out a Credit Card
Barack Obama has decided broke people don't count or at least they don't vote. By putting Joe Senator from MBNA on the ticket Obama has just helped the credit card industry waft its way into the air vents of the White House Wannabe Club. On his own Biden couldn't attract vote one in Iowa where ethanol is the opiate of the people, too bad for Biden the addiction of choice wasn't sleazy credit. The nation is now asked to accept for Number Two an old white guy who barks tough while he nuzzles the assholes of Dupont for a Greener Tomorrow and Credit Cards Are Sweet Energy Independence. Priceless.

August 12, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Barack Obama - New Godfather of the Corn Belt Mafia?
Barack Obama sits between Evan Bayh, Dick Lugar and Chuck Hagel, the heads of the Indiana and Nebraska branches of the Corn Belt Mafia that has organized the ethanol scam that has America filling up on 90% gasoline. Obama calls it a different kind of politics. Party lines are crossed, hand shaking across the aisle is common as this new group of Chicago based mobsters draw subsidies from taxpayers to their greedy corporate sponsors Archer Daniels Midland. Millions starve as grain prices double and third world farmers are left holding the body bags. John McCain should be pounding these bootleggers like Eliot Ness and the Untouchables, but fear of losing reliable red states has him laying off.

August 7, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: When Will Obama Throw ADM Under the Bus?
Barack Obama has begun to assault Big Oil as he tries to get the waitresses of the nation to fill up on populism. Many waitresses drive to work so going after the pump may seem wise. But all waitresses eat, and they also serve food. So will Obama attack Big Agra with the same vehemence? Don't count on the Illinois senator saying anything remotely disparaging to any group that contains Big Sugar Daddy Archer Daniels Midland. ADM drills on shore for windfall profits by sucking water out of the aquifers to irrigate the cornfields to fill the bushels that go into ethanol. But Obama will never slap Big Agra. The price of food is directly tied to ethanol, which is big in Iowa. Granny can go under the bus. Rev Wright, commitment to public campaign financing, FISA reform, even affirmative action, all found their way under the bus. But before Barack Obama would stand up for America against Archer Daniels Midland, the polls would actually have to show him trailing the ancient flyer on Geezer One.

August 3, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: He's Not There.
When Marilyn Monroe's character in The Misfits is asked why she wanted to divorce her husband who was willing to give her everything. She replies, 'He's not there.' With the White House at the end of a rainbow arc for Barack Obama, he appears to be giving us everything we cherish: Youth, appearance, intelligence, inspiration. So what's not to like. He's not there. On commitment, he's not there. No one can tell you where he stands on anything, because tomorrow, He's not there. On responsibility, he's not there. Twenty years he sits in the congregation of a church where the pastor is clearly anti-American-mainstream and after a couple weeks of media heat, He's not there. When the day comes to define America to the world, when a moment of crisis bigger than a final exam arrives, let's hope when we look for him in the smokers' bunker hiding behind an ashtray, He's not there.

July 27, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Hiring A New Employee and A New Pastor.
When it's time to choose the president this year, remember you are hiring the person you feel is best qualified to do the job for the next four or more years. You are also acting as a member of a congregation who are screening applicants for the post of pastor. The presidency is not a prize or a medal to be awarded. It is a job with unique powers. You are essentially hiring your own boss. Remember: discrimination based on age, gender, race, religion or sexual preference is not only illegal, immoral and unethical, it also limits the choice of candidates and thereby makes it more difficult to find the right person for the job. The good news is this: America will survive a bad choice. It has proven this again and again. The bad news is this: It has proven this again and again.

July 10, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Dollars We Can Believe In
When Barack Obama seeks to close out Hillary Clinton's influence by paying down her campaign debt, he doesn't ask his backers for change - he wants dollars he can believe in. When Iowa corn haulers were looking to secure their ethanol windfall they turned to Illinois power brokers and king makers Archer Daniels Midland who offered Barack Obama, grandson of Kansas, dollars he can believe in. Now that public campaign financing is no longer a principle to be cherished, Obama asks ADM to get their farmers to the ATM for dollars he can believe in.First it was change, now it's dollars; by November it will be Euros we can believe in.

July 4, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: The Second Coming of Jimmy Carter.
John McCain will need to study the game plan of Gerry Ford for the Bicentennial election of 1976 - then abandon it. How did Jimmy Carter, the peanut farmer and one term governor of Georgia defeat the likable, experienced All-American incumbent who guided the country out of the political cynicism of Watergate? He rode the wave of deceit, he surfed the necessary lies. Jimmy never paddled against the tide. He floated with the nation's desire for change. Barack Obama likes to mention Ronald Reagan in a sort of luster grab, but his real political godfather is Jimmy Carter. The nation was surprised by what they got when they finally got to play with their new Jimmy Carter doll. After four years of embarrassment and buyer's remorse, the nation was ready to go back to the conservatives, the grown ups - for sixteen years. Now it's time again to let the kids rock the house for a weekend. Party on.

June 4, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Tractor Supply Versus IKEA
John McCain presumably knows how to get his fingernails dirty. Barack Obama can turn the pages of a Swedish furniture catalogue like nobody's business. Back when John Edwards was pounding the table on his Two Americas theme. This is not what he had in mind. But it has come to this. The earth movers and shakers are matched up against the home decorators. Both sides of America are going to think, How can they not see that man is clearly wrong for the job? And both will be passionate because this will be the same struggle for identity as raged within the individual. Are we John Wayne or Alan Alda? This titanic battle of world views has been brewing since the days of hard hats and hippies. Now it will finally be evenly matched. Fasten the Louis Vuitton seat belt on your John Deere, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

May 8, 2008
Title: 2012 Presidential Election Race: Hillary Rodham Clinton: When She's Sixty-Four - Her Way
Will we still need her? Will we still feed her when she's sixty-four? The end is near. She's reached the final curtain. And behind door number three is not the White House. The scorched earth policy of burning all of Barack Obama's bridges and thereby working her way out of Veep contention is probably the most diabolically cynical political strategy since Richard M. Nixon's 1968 campaign with its secret plan to end the war in Viet Nam. A weakened Obama versus a rested John McCain is the only contest with a glimmer of hope for 2008 Republicans. An Obama ascendancy with a full load of Democrats in both the House of Representatives and the Senate would be the swan song for any also ran from 2008. Regrets, she's had a few. We'll be older, too.

April 16, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Guns or Religion - Obama's One Hit Wonder Fully Appreciated
It takes a lot to laugh; it takes a train wreck to cause hysteria. Barack Obama will never stop hearing his ode to small town America - "They cling to guns or religion cause they can't get their teeth fixed. They like their bullets and their churches cause their stills have all been revenued." The earlier remark about his granny and typical white people was lost in the larger issue of race and Obama's eloquence. Now the rednecking of small town America clarifies for many what has been suspected for some time. Obama does not know Americans. The unique biography so widely hailed as almost divine may be the undoing of the talented candidate. While Hillary Clinton is reluctantly hesitant to fully unload on this episode of remarkable ignorance, John McCain's troops are already salivating at the chance to show their guy as someone who has crawled in and out of American towns on his stomach. Barack Obama appears to have learned about America by watching Comedy Central and mistakenly believing it was the Newshour with Jim Lehrer.

March 21, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Democrats Cannot Win Family Battle Among Themselves.
Florida and Michigan are the two bratty kids, hereafter to be called the Demon Spawn, of the Democratic Party who are making this nation of moderate voters wonder: If Obama and Clinton can't settle a dispute among their own Spawn, how can they be trusted with the reins of power that come with the bigger job they are fighting over. Our November 29, 2007 entry entitled:: Bold Prediction Part Deux: 2008 Marks the End of Iowa and New Hampshire previewed the bare knuckled battles the states were ready to wage to get a little relevance in the primary election. Now, the battle has escalated. With Florida especially interesting for its Hanging Chad and Palm Beach Jews for Pat Buchanan history, the presidential aspirants are looking mighty weak as executives who can't shoot straight from the hip. Can't force the Demon Spawn to go along with a sensible compromise, how can they be expected to deal with Iran, North Korea, China and Russia?If they were running against anyone other than an old, old man who is till trying to win the war in Viet Nam, this race would already be over. What looked for a long time like a race of great candidates is rapidly becoming another in a long line of elections where voters choose a lesser of two evils.

February 15, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Obama Brand Cool Aid - Drink Me and Be With It.
Ohio is a tough town. Texas is a tough town. Pennsylvania is a tough town. If Obama plays here like he did in Peoria, the world is really a flat screen TV. Not since the home run chase of Soso and Magwired, has this nation been taken in by so much hooey. The only thing missing from Barack Obama's Abe Lincoln impersonation is the top hat and beard. From the opening day in Springfield, Land of Lincoln this scripted program has progressed faster than Twin Peaks. Poor poor pitiful Hillary is left standing amid the fallen decorations of her prom night gymnasium while everyone else has gone on a picnic with Elmer Gantry.

February 10, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: MSNBC Apologies Show Mainstream Media Weakness as Hillary Again Plays The Victim.
Hillary Clinton can't pay her staff. She borrows money from herself in some Tyson Commodities Redux. She can't get the tin cup filled by inspiration so she looks for free handouts by pressing the media small fry, MSNBC, for apologies. I'll bet she could just cry all the way to the bank when Chris Matthews reminded everyone, well, the 200,000 or so watching, that the former first lady would most likely be pulling Betty Ford or Jimmy Carter do-gooder duty if there were no oval office blow jobs. Then David Shuster, whom Matthews calls The Best, tries to spice up his on air banter to appeal to a younger audience by using the word pimp as a colloquial idiom for whoring out family members for the sake of the family business. Every other 26 year old who went to Stanford is backing Obama but there sits Chelsea Clinton in a phone bank boiler room with Madeline Albright on her left and Erica Jong on her right, dialing up super delegates to push Mommy through the White House glass ceiling. This election was the last hope MSNBC had to show some muscle to challenge Fox or CNN. Now with apologies replacing hard commentary they are surrendering the field to become the Marshmallow Network where Profiles in Courage like Jim Gray turn away from The Peacock.

February 6, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: What Do These Primaries Say About The Voters?
When the results are tabulated and they fall mostly along racial, ethnic, gender and religious lines, what do we voters see when we look in the full length mirror? Bigots in pink tights. Lacking the courage to be overtly racist or sexist, we use the shield of the secret ballot to play out the same ethnic cleansing we rail against in Europe, Turkey and Darfur. America first has been replaced with My Race, My Gender, My Religion first. We will truly get the president we deserve this year, for we are the undeserving My generation.

January 28, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: White Men Can't Jump Onto the Obama Bandwagon.
Action: Imagine this scenario: Hillary, after her comeback cry baby victory in New Hampshire says, "Now I'll crush The Upstart in South Carolina and I'll be able to get some rest." Prez Bubba says, "Not so fast Hill-Girl. Take a seat next to me on this Lazy Boy built for two." He fires up the DVD player and skips to the scene in White Men Can't Jump where the Rosie Perez character, the Jeopardy winning voice of wisdom says: "Sometimes when you win..." Hillary is thinking, 'Hmm, nice nipples on the Latina. I'd like to nuzzle that sweatshirt.' Bubba, knowing what she's thinking, says, "Forget the boobs for a second and listen to what she is saying." Rosie restarts, "Sometimes when you win, you really lose. And sometimes when you lose you really win..." Hillary is puzzled. Bubba clears it all up. "You could work your tail off in SC and still lose. Or you could abandon SC and look like a loser. Or you could pretend to try to win in SC, all the while playing up the idea that you're behind in the race because of race. This way when all the Blacks vote for Obama, and they will, and he wins, and he will, he will have won nothing more that his poison pill. You see the rest of the country, the white folks that is, are thinking: 'If all the Blacks are voting for the Black guy, why shouldn't we vote for the white guy' - or in your case, the white girl. So Obama takes SC. Then in February, Black History Month, you'll cruise through on skin color alone, no more crying. And then you can rest." She asks, "How long did it take you to figure this out." "Hell, girl," he says. "I figured that out between a fart and a burp."

January 27, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: New York Times Torpedoes John McCain With Endorsement.
Action: With friends like the New York Times John McCain could do with a few enemies. When the recognized leader in national liberal media endorses a Republican candidate, they set up the poor recipient with the baggage of being liked by the wrong people. To conservatives anything New York is as near to evil as there is in the land of the free and the home of the brave. Their endorsement of McCain is pure Anathema (in Greek Ανάθεμα) meaning (according to Wikipedia) originally something lifted up as an offering to the gods; later, with evolving meanings, it came to mean: to be formally set apart, banished, exiled, excommunicated or denounced, sometimes accursed. Good luck Johnny with your new friends. We also wish to bid Dennis Kucinich good luck as he leaves our campaign trail to return to Cleveland where a man's ideas can be bold and beautiful even if they come from the common man.

January 22, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: How Fred Thompson Becomes the Next Vice President.
Action: Fred Thompson has that wonderful quality that is most cherished in a Vice President: A penchant for inside work with no heavy lifting. And he has the added ability to take direction well. John McCain has risen from the ashes like a Phoenix, Arizona cigar store Indian. Once Thompson has finished his scene as the Huckabee vote stealer, he'll be all over Mitt Romney like a padded room. McCain figures he has already beaten Rudy, because the unborn child casts more votes in Republican primaries than anyone else. Mitt Romney will need more protection than money can buy from the anti Mormon sentiment Thompson will ooze. Politics is ugly. That's the beauty of it.

January 16, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: First Round Primaries Help Two Candidates Find New Voices.
Action: Hillary found her voice in a New Hampshire diner. It was served with scrambled eggs and large portion of poor poor pitiful me. The echo to that voice was her big man on campus, Prez Bubba who bullied the new kid on the block B. Obama with a punishing round of rhetoric summed up by, "That's the biggest fairytale I've ever heard." Really, Bubba? Bigger than the one Monica Lewinsky told you while you were eating pizza and she was toying with your bent baby beast and telling you how she could help your wife get elected to something bigger than prom theme decorator. Iowa helped Mitt Romney find his voice by showing him what a voice is. It's what B. Obama uses to inspire passionate voters. Mitt has been fitting himself into so many suits lately, it's nice to know he'll be able to use the latest one all the way through February 5th.

January 9, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Media Creation B. Obama Betrayed by Too Early Coronation.
Action: Barack Obama was winning in every poll and would have won easily on Tuesday in New Hampshire if Dr. FrankenMedia hadn't endlessly pushed the Freight Train metaphor to launch the expectations of a double digit victory. Independents in the Granite State were fooled into thinking the result was a foregone conclusion on the Democratic side, so they lined up in the Republican aisle and pushed John McCain's corpse down to the liquor store to cash a check. Forget the Hillary tear story, the women's vote was always going to the former Desperate White Housewife, Mrs. Clinton. The media which created B. Obama from the cover of Time Magazine to the Iowa caucuses overplayed their hand, and sent their creation out to the wilderness to contemplate life as a junior senator who only won that lowly position thanks to the Sex Clubs of Berlin. But that's another, perhaps more interesting story.

January 5, 2008
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Faces of Would Be Presidents Will Land on the Covers of Magazines.
Action: Barack Obama with his win in Iowa lands on the cover of Prom Kings for a Day.. With her loss, Mrs. Clinton graces the cover of Older Homes and Cemeteries. John Edwards wearing tailored coveralls and Gucci steel toed shoes and holding a pipe wrench on one hand and a lead pipe in the other landed the cover of Breck Girls in the Sewers. Other magazines covers of note included Older Missionaries in Southern France with Mitt Romney on the name tag pinned to the white shirt of a fellow who wouldn't show his face. "I'm so happy I could squeal," oinked Mike Huckabee at the photo shoot for Pork Fried Christianity Quarterly.

December 31, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Barack Obama is the Paris Hilton of Politics.
Action: If elected I will show up. I'll be the pretty face in all the magazines. I'll be me. Isn't that what you elected? A face famous for being famous. I'll probably come out with a new perfume every six months, and I'll hold my head high. You know the pose. I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of what God gave me and America made me. I'm the brand Obama. Never mind accomplishments, talent or hard work. I have an image. I'm with it. Voting for me shows that you are with it too. How else to explain all the baby boomers in my corner of the coffee house, disco, mall, boardrooms and soon geriatric wards. I'm the symbol of the new age of Aquarius. America, I thank you. Paris, I thank you for leading the way and opening doors to this wonderful new world where all that matters is image and mirage.

November 29, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Bold Prediction Part Deux: 2008 Marks the End of Iowa and New Hampshire.
Action: The next president of the United States will not win Iowa or New Hampshire. He or she may not even be competitive in the early states which are on life support in the role as players in presidential politics. The mainstream media has vested interest in these cheap to cover states, but the national voting public is not being moved by the coverage. Rudy and Hillary have been shadow boxing in these early states while their many opponents have been putting horseshoes in the 22 ounce gloves. Iowa and New Hampshire are all Edwards, Huckabee and Romney have. When round one is over, they will have done nothing more than make sure all the ringside ticket holders get to their seats before the main event. Count on it. In 2008 it's Rudy versus Hillary.

November 6, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Bold Prediction Time: Edwards Takes Iowa; Obama Takes New Hampshire; Clinton Wins Nomination.
Action: The United States of America is ready to say 'No!' to small states' designs on moving the country according to their own selfish desires. The farm subsidy will be hurt when Iowa is brought to its knees. New Hampshire's knuckleheaded habit of going for the underdog just to keep the fight alive will be pounded into submission. Hillary Rodham Clinton is going down twice and will be frazzled to her shrieking point of hysteria when the big states bail her sorry ass out, and she'll go on to an easy victory that will put the Sorry, Closed sign on the way primaries are held sacred in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. It's been over thirty years since Jimmy Carter put Iowa on the map and vice versa; even longer since Gene McCarthy scared the Bee Jesus out Lyndon Johnson in the Granite State Showdown. The boss of bosses, the public, is ready to cast its vote. No to Primary Delusions of Grandeur.

October 24, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Rudy Giuliani Proves Rooting for the Red Sox is So Stupid.
Action: Rudy Giuliani went out of his way to show the Red Sox Nation that he can be sympathetic to their cause. A known Evil Empire supporter since Doomsday One, Rudy did not fool anyone into believing he cares about the 2007 World Series, the Red Sox or the Colorado Rockies. But he did make an announcement that reeks of hubris: "I can say anything, I'm outspoken." Let's hear you say how stupid you were when the nine electoral votes Colorado will offer in 2008 go to Hillary Clinton. The twelve votes from Massachusetts were never going to Rudy Giuliani if he changed his name to JFK, Junior. The Colorado votes will be in play and they may not be going to a man who went out of his way to disrespect the Rockies. All candidates would do well to remember that elections can turn on trivial events.

October 13, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Five Norwegians Do Not A US President Make.
Action: Al Gore never lost that weight he was supposed to lose before the Academy Awards. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences presented the former vice president with a gold plated statue for his movie, An Inconvenient Truth. The Academy, although, certainly not representative of the United States is made up mostly of American citizens. The Nobel committee in Norway, that august group who have previously named Henry Kissinger, Jimmy Carter, Mikhail Gorbachev, Martin Luther King and Yasser Arafat as prize winners, is populated by five Norwegians. Suddenly, fat Albert Gore is supposed to be launched to the head of the nominating line in 2008 because five Norwegians with Carter, Kissinger and Arafat on their résumé think it's time for a global change. You may get that one through in Wisconsin, home of the finest people in the world, and Minnesota, but in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina it just won't pass muster. Al-You-Can-Eat Gore will have to squeeze into some coffee shop and diner booths before they'll accept him in the big three nominating states.And frankly with all those awards, he's just too big for that now.

September 13, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Who Can Beat Hillary Clinton Without Ever Laying A Glove on Her?
Action: After all the talk of flip flops, triple marriages, trophy wives, geezers and the like, the one question that remains is: Who can lay the lady out without lifting a finger? It will be impossible to bully HRC because she is impervious to personal attacks. She is doing next to nothing but showing up at fundraisers and the scheduled debates and town hall meetings; yet, her powerful and charismatic foes in the Democratic party have watched as her poll numbers have continued to rise. You can't touch the lady. If she doesn't beat herself, she's unstoppable and already most Democrats know that. But in the general election, she may be vulnerable to Mitt Romney. He's not caustic like Rudy Giuliani, who would appear anything but chivalrous during the big debates. Romney has always been a too smooth smoothie for most of us, but that appearance will come across as sincere when standing across the room from Hillary Clinton. Mitt Romney has an appearance of class that will be elevated to presidential when standing at a debate podium. Mrs. Clinton will take on more of a Madeleine Albright look as the campaign wears her down, and she comes to realize she just could not make people like her.

September 11, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Bill Clinton Begs Pardon As He Steps On Hillary's Toe During Fundraising Scandal Samba
Action: When Bill Clinton signed the pardon for rich fugitive Marc Rich, rich fugitive Norman Hsu saw a way to stay out of jail and avoid restitution for his million dollar Ponzi scheme: Start another Ponzi scheme. This time it's a variation on a theme. Instead of latex gloves, the investors think they're buying Lincoln Bedroom furniture. So it's Bill's fault Hillary now has to part with over $800,000, and she'll have to deal with a cozy photograph, if not video of herself smiling ear to ear with Norman Hsu? How many Hillraisers are in it just for the presidential pardon? Other Democrats won't be able exploit this, because they also have their own Hsu checks to worry about. Although ever desperate John Edwards might try. But when the race is down to the two parties, Rudy Giuliani will paste that photograph into a TV spot that will bring back the old carnies, Edgar and Vonna Jo Gregory with first brother-in-law, Tony Rodham's $107,000 pardon scheme and first brother-in-law Hugh Rodham's $200,000 pay for pardon schemes for Almon Glenn Braswell and Carlos A. Vignali. The commercial will be called: Who do you have to Hsu to get a pardon is this town?

September 6, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Fred Thompson Gets Into the Race and Looks Like a Big Bald Booming Oaf
Action: All the anticipation went out of the room when Fred Thompson finally announced he's in the race to win a seat at the state dinners being served a few times a month at the White House, which in case Fred doesn't know and he's reading this is still located in Washington DC. Get that man a script girl and some make-up and a costume designer. High definition will curse a number of candidates including Pruneface Giuliani and Is she getting old or what Hillary Clinton, but no one will suffer more than Mr Bigger, Fred Thompson. He'll never look as good at GOP debates as he does on Law and Order and that spells trouble for Mr Balder. Sounding good is about more than intoning resonant reminders of Ronnie Reagan and if he knew enough to know that, he wouldn't be Mr Booming Oaf.

August 26, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Varsity Star Chuck Hagel Wants to Team Up With Rich Nerd Michael Bloomberg
Action: With a twist on the story of the high school geek who is willing to pal around with the dumb jock so he can get into parties with the in crowd, Chuck Hagel, the jock, is throwing his letterman's sweater over the puddle so rich little geek, Mike Bloomberg doesn't get his feet wet. Bloomberg's money talks. The mayor of New York is not going to throw down a billion dollars so he can ride shotgun. The former Wall Street gofer wants to drive the big bus. He is willing to use Hagel and his Midwestern war record to hold fort at VFW conventions and American Legion ceremonies. Since Rudy Giuliani has already made the New York mayor's job look like an adequate platform, opportunist Mike Bloomberg is hoping to cash in on the nation's dissatisfaction with the two major parties. Hagel is willing to ride along, he's waiting to ride along, he's wanting to ride along. What the erstwhile sidekicks haven't done is ask the American public what it thinks.

August 8, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Mitt Romney is Elected President of the United States of Ames, Iowa.
Action: After the ethanol was extracted from all the grass, the remaining straws were used to elect a new president and his name is Mitt Romney. It was well worth the 30 million dollars spent on TV ads to be elected president by so many Iowans in Ames. President elect Romney will be holding a summit later this week with the soon to be former President George W. Bush to discuss the transition team that will help move some of Bush's baggage out of Washington before the Romney team moves in. Iowans felt a tinge of pride knowing they were responsible for the election of President Romney who will solve all the problems that are facing the nation today. The candidates who were not elected cried and called foul. Many expressed the same lament that they thought the election was going to be held sometime in 2008.

July18, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Clinton.
Action: Is Hillary Clinton running for president herself or running an extension of the never ending campaign to reelect Bill Clinton? The pressure cooker that will become the real campaign for president is beginning to heat up along with the temperatures as we approach Labor Day 2007. How might we expect Hillary to put away the pesky Barack Obama once and for all. The old Clinton way was to demonize the enemy by letting journalists in on a few salty tabloid ready facts. The new way is just give Obama a chance to open is mouth and let stupidity run out. His latest pearl: Pull out of Iraq so we can attack Pakistan. The Clinton problem is this: If she can't put away this clown on three pitches, what can we expect when she's up against Mayor 911 or D.A. Arthur Branch. Hillary Rodham was never going to get elected President, Mrs Bill might. Time to bring out the Monica handbags and start fighting dirty.

July 2, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: John McCain Beaten and Broken by the Bush Folks Again.
Action: John McCain apparently was the only gentleman in the room who did not see he was being played for a sucker by the Bush crowd on immigration. Already fooled once about Bush Cheney intentions in Iraq and Afghanistan, John McCain swallowed their line on immigration, too. Shame on him. It seems the only success George W. Bush consistently achieves is kicking the guts out of a national treasure. McCain has cut staff after failing with fundraising attempts and is near the end of this campaign. His fall from front runner to also ran before the first vote is cast is a testament to John McCain's willingness to trust the president of the United States. This gullibility is also a profound weakness that has trumped his chance to the lead the nation. Good bye, Johnny. We hardly knew ye.

June 20, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: AFSCME in Swoon as the Professional Talkers Take the Stage.
Action: AFSCME moments bring out the best in candidates John Edwards and Barack Obama. The union of taxpayer funded jobs, early retirement pensions and lifetime medical insurance lapped up the sweet tones of America's best talkers, now called communicators, used to be called bullshit artists. Edwards and Obama know not just what to say but how to say. Like trained seals at a Seaworld aquarium the union members squealed and clapped in delight with every trick the great talkers performed. But what have these two actually done. John Edwards took advantage of litigation law to make a fortune by taking up to thirty percent of claimants' settlements. That fortune was used to support an undistinguished US Senate term and a failed bid to be John Kerry's VEEP. Barack Obama has delivered a keynote address at a convention of Democrats in 2004, and may or may not have organized a community outreach program in a low income housing project somewhere in Chicago. Thin résumés to stand before a meeting of the joint chiefs.

May 20, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Florida Primary Shows The Two Party System Its Failure.
Action: Since the presidential primary version of leap frog has been playing out, the party bosses have been shown up more and more often as straw bosses. The delegates from the state of Florida will be considered ineligible at the national conventions if the Sunshine State goes ahead with its planned January 29, 2008 primary. That will lead to more lawsuits about disenfranchising voters. Since the good people of Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Michigan, Mississippi, New York, Pennsylvania and West Virginia have all pushed against voters in stalwarts Iowa and New Hampshire and newcomers Nevada and South Carolina for a degree of relevance in the presidential selection process, the big shots have been struggling with the winds of change like scarecrows in Kansas. The country is crying out for a national primary. Since 1976 when Iowa began gaining prominence as the first in the nation, we have elected: Jimmy Carter, Ronnie Reagan, George Bush, Bill Clinton and George W Bush. With Hillary Clinton on the horizon, a clear pattern has emerged and the voters have declared they don't like the smell of it.

April 2, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: What To Do About The Thompson Twins.
Action: How many parents of twins would name their boys Fred and Tommy? The American electorate will soon get a chance to measure up a couple of Thompson Twins. Weighing in from Wisconsin, the most liberal state west of the Alleghenies, is Tommy, the former governor who changed welfare in this country by experimenting in his laboratory of democracy, WI. He was rewarded for that successful science project with a post in the Bush Cabinet: Secretary of Welfare. The irony is not lost on the folks in Wisconsin, the finest people in the world. Then from Howard Baker's counsel at the Watergate Hearings to Law and Order reruns on every cable channel, a television judge more bass than trout, it's brother Fred, the grim twin. After having ditched the US Senate job in a nod to term limits, Fred Thompson found he has enough burning ambition left to show up on Fox News and say the name Thompson means Fred in this town. Whatever that Tommy can do I can do better. I'll be president and when I am, I'll put that smiling puss of Tommy's in an iron mask.

March 23, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Unscratched John Edwards Puts the Cynics on the Defensive.
Action: Yesterday we scratched John Edwards for the obvious reason that he called a news conference and there is little news he can offer besides, I quit. But the old lawyer had another trick up his sleeve. Bringing the news that although his wife has had a new occurrence of cancer, the cause goes on. Edwards may be reacting to the Breck Girl video on Youtube, or his weakness in states not named Iowa. It would be easy to say a press release would have provided the same news, but far less exposure for the Edwards campaign. It may turn out that John Edwards is playing the most cynical card in ambition's deck, whining for the mercy vote, but we want to give him the benefit of the doubt this time. In our opinion Edwards is the third act of a two act play, but that does not justify cynicism. If he wants to run, our race is open to him.

March 22, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Archie Bunker Gets His Balanced Ballot. Scratch John Edwards.
Action: In a great episode and again and again in countless trailers for the DVD, Archie Bunker of All in the Family explains his balanced ballot through a series of mild mannered ethnic slurs. It seems that minus the slurs 2008 will be very close to that ballot: You got your Blonde, your Black, your Irish and your Italian. And with your Mormon and your Latino waiting in the wings, it's a regular Bingo night for the volunteer fire department. Does all this diversity mean a WASP cannot get a seat at the table? Are there no cards left for the descendents of the Mayflower and Sons and Daughters of the American Revolution? Are we Americans or are we as tribal as we consider Iraq, Afghanistan and Somalia to be? If you vote your conscience first, you're an American. If you vote for a member of your tribe first, you're Archie Bunker. Oh, and Senator? Just one more your suit.

March 21, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Republicans Are Licking Their Chops and Can't Wait for November 2008.
Action: The Republicans expect to field a former POW from the Vietnam War who has been a hero to veterans for more than thirty years, and America's Mayor who rallied the nation from shock and desperation after a blindside attack of terror and hatred, and guided it to the greatest outpouring of love and mutual respect the nation has ever witnessed through the sheer power of his indominatable personality. The Democrats will field a young man who has taken credit for organizing the tenants of a housing project with a community outreach program, and a woman whose only demonstrable achievement has been to survive in a marriage to a lying and cheating husband. Slam dunk, right. Wrong. Like they value stocks, the public may focus on the prospects of future growth far more than past results. Remember how that lying cheating husband out foxed the hero of Desert Storm with just a few visits to a grocery store, could happen again.

March 20, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Believe It Or Not The Election Is Not This November.
Action: The campaigns have moved so quickly into what seems like the final turn, it's hard to believe that November 2007 has not yet arrived. And the election is not until November 2008. Since our final pairings already appear certain, let's consider something else. We'll call it the Lieberman Effect. In the year 2000, Joe Lieberman was an above average candidate for vice president even though he did not deliver Florida to Al Gore the way he was supposed to do. He was a terrible candidate for president four years later and was quickly brushed out of the way. Then he again became a candidate in the Democratic primary for the US Senate seat from the great state of Connecticut. He held onto his senate seat while running for vice president in 2000 in a sort of win one lose one proposition, so he held the power of the incumbency over Ned Lamont in the primary. But Ned was a free spending rich guy who found himself unexpectedly on the popular side of the Iraq War issue in 2006, while Joe clung to the tattered hem of the unpopular side. Joe lost. That's it: two words Joe lost. But if ever there was a guy who wouldn't know what to do with himself without a US Senate to haunt, Joe Lieberman is he. So are Arlen Specter, Ted Kennedy, Robert Byrd and countless others it seems, but we digress. Anyway Joe took an alternate route. Not given permission to drive in the left lane or the right lane, Joe took his tricycle and pedaled for all he was worth straight up the middle, right over the white stripes as they passed under his wheels. It seems a lot of folks in Connecticut were glad he did and they voted for him. Two party politicians, however, saw something ominous in this up the middle end around tactic. 25 watt bulbs lit up all over Washington. Party politicians awoke in sweaty wet bed clothes and they wondered aloud and in unison with a genuine spirit of bipartisanship: I wonder if anyone else will notice. Apparently no one did. The two party system is over, but no one has told the electorate. Incumbents don't need the party backing as long as they deliver the bacon. Billionaires don't need primaries, fund raisers or back slapping. As long as they can find the center while the Republicans and Democrats hold to the edges of their lanes, Independents with or without party affiliation can and will win.This Lieberman Effect has given us all the centrists we now see leading the race for 2008.

March 19, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Any Vice Presidential Material in the Final Four?
Action: John Edwards and Mitt Romney had better wake up to some startling news. They were not picked by the selection committee to join the the festivities known as the November Final Four. Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani are clear and present number one seeds. Barack Obama and John McCain are the play-in favorites. And that's it. Now the jockeying becomes this: Is there a vice president in that pack? Hillary and Rudy are certainly not going to volunteer. John McCain will serve his country in whatever way he can. So he's in. How about Barack Obama? He cannot appear too willing to settle for the second chair. Yet for a fellow who, but for the sex club escapades of Jack Ryan and his reluctant Hollywood wife Jeri, would still be working in Springfield alongside Homer Simpson, the lesser house is still opulent. Let's call him okay with it, but not quite satisfied, somewhat less than satiated, just shy of fulfilled. It will probably take a long walk on the beach and a long talk with Al Gore to get Obama to seal it with smile. And of course, Hillary, a.k.a. Angelica the Rug Rat, has to promise to play nice.

March 16, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: John McCain's Failure Offers Lessons to Barack Obama.
Action: Many people continue to offer Barack Obama advice of the following nature: Don't push so hard now, because you will get another chance and you don't want these folks as your enemies. That advice means, "This may not be your time, but you're so young, you'll get to try again. Let Hillary have her day." The Clinton dynasty, if it comes to that, will be rewarded for playing the same cards the Bush dynasty played against John McCain back in 2000. To his bitter disappointment, John McCain is learning that the second chance is a hollow shell of the first. When the Straight Talk Express was rolling through New Hampshire in 2000, all of America was hoping to hop aboard. The center, the Democrats and Republicans who have more in common with each other than they do with the dominant wings of their parties, loved McCain's story and his mettle. Plus he was having fun and it was contagious. Then the hard nosed head bashers took out some real bile on Mrs. McCain. Chivalrous John, an old Annapolis guy, walked away, bowed and beaten. Soon the hard nosed head bashers will be taking aim at Obama. We hope he's learned the lessons from McCain. There is no next time. Win now or lose.

March 15, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Why the Rush to Early Primaries? Don't Be Shut Out.
Action: When so many are rushing one way, it's often a good idea to be slow gaiting it the other way. This is not the case for primary elections for the 2008 presidential race. Any voter from Pennsylvania, California, New York and Illinois can answer the question why vote early? So the vote counts. In election after election since 1976, the primaries in the big states were irrelevant to the nomination of the parties. The winners were declared and seeking only rubber stamped approval, the losers had already dropped out and thrown their support behind the winner of a few primaries in states warped with private interest. After not having a chance to back a candidate in the primary, the electors have less personal feel for the candidates in the general election. Someone who votes for a candidate in a primary, unless doing so for perverse reasons of chicanery, will vote again for that person in the general election. That's a vote than can be counted. But when the nomination is already won before the state's primary, the reason to go out and back someone is lost. That's a vote that cannot be counted. This year, something that resembles a national primary will be okay, fine and dandy. After all, we've been covering the candidates since January 2007. That should be enough time. And all that crap about retail politics and getting to know someone in the coffee shops in Iowa and town halls of New Hampshire? That's just so 1976.

March 14, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Pie in the Sky Liberals Versus End of Civilization Conservatives.
Action: If you're poor, able bodied and not working, you should vote for John Edwards. He promises to help you with government assistance. You will be given a chance to find a better home, get more education and your health care costs will be covered. If you're poor, able bodied and working, you should vote for Tom Tancredo. He promises to send 12 million illegal immigrants back to their countries of origin. The removal of this large number of workers will put pressure on employers to raise the wages of the workers who replace the undocumented. These are the promises of the only two candidates who have actually made promises to the poor. Everyone else has raced passed the poor and headed straight to the heart of the middle class where ambiguity reigns. No one has any idea how Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John McCain or Rudy Giuliani will lead this country. Their promises are so vague they could bring nothing but an enforcement of existing laws or a change so great that marijuana is legalized and health care is universal. All or nothing, anything and everything, that may be what eight years with the next president may mean. We are driving blind into the intersection of Hollywood and Whine.

March 13, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Rudy Giuliani Represents the Nostalgia Party.
Action: Before September 11, 2001, we were a happy go lucky, fun loving people who meant no one ill. We were very likely to treat everyone with kindness and a good word. We loved everyone and everyone loved us. There was no civil war in Iraq with us caught in the middle. Afghanistan was a mountainous trap that had ensnared the Soviet Union and helped us fun loving, good natured people win the Cold War. Man, we were something. Life was great when the only illegal immigrants we ever heard of were the poor underpaid nannies who worked for government officials who were looking for promotions. Health care was never a problem back then because we were always healthy and happy. Obesity wasn't even a defined term. Sure people dieted, but only to fit into string bikinis and Speedos for another summer of fun. When Rudy gets elected he's going to turn back the clock. He's going to make everything right again. Thank goodness, Daddy's coming home.

March 12, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Forty Five Rounds of Heavyweight Boxing with Two Opponents.
Action: The campaign for president now underway in full force is the equivalent of the three Ali-Frazier fights of the early seventies, one after the other and with a fresh Ken Norton, George Foreman and Leon Spinks thrown into the ring every few rounds to add to the misery, excitement and challenges. Don King should be promoting the 2008 presidential race on pay per view. Rudy Giuliani and Hillary Clinton are tough, hard boiled sluggers from the old school of take no prisoners. The loser goes home in a body bag. John McCain looked tough in the early rounds of 2000 when he was challenging George W. Bush for the Republican nomination, but then he took some body shots and low blows. He spent many nights after that fight pissing blood. His stamina is a big question mark. Barack Obama looks good. He's quick, light on his feet, and he has good jab. But one wonders if he really knows what kind of fight he's in. John Edwards and Mitt Romney are hoping to see the stretcher crews arrive before they have to step in the ring. They need to catch the heavy hitters winded. Their strategy is all about waiting for the right round to join the slugfest. They hope to just hang around long enough to seize the day.

March 9, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Save Money on Secret Service Costs Elect Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Action: Attention bargain shoppers, we're getting a chance to save money by electing Hillary to the top job and Bill to be the first First Gentleman. Expect the Clinton campaign to trumpet these savings in this campaign of no stone unturned. Since the Clintons left the White House, they have racked up frequent flier miles and Secret Service costs. As a former president and a former first lady, Bill and Hill never walk, run, fly or drive alone. Do either of them drive a car? Nope. Just like Driving Miss Daisy, if Miss Daisy lived in Tijuana, Mexico or Baghdad, Iraq, special armor plated vehicles chauffeur them day and night. And we're happy to pay. Let's face it: the bargain we get by hiring a president for only $400,000 a year to manage the United States of America is enough to justify the security costs as part of the pension plan. Of course, maybe if we paid a little better, we'd be able to attract a little better qualified candidate for the job.

March 8, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Crazy Like a Fox John Edwards Backs Out of Fox Debate in Reno, Nevada.
Action: What happens in Reno will happen without John Edwards. The poverty wing of the Democratic Party will have to find another millionaire to represent them since trial lawyer Edwards won't be making the case for populism in front of any jury that includes Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly or any Rupert Murdoch minion smarter than the three clowns of the Fox and Friends morning show. Edwards has another reason to skip Nevada. Nevada is the west, the toughness of the individual still matters there. Clark Gable, Marilyn Monroe and Montgomery Clift, the Misfits from the 1961 movie, weren't waiting around for the government to save their sorry souls or build them houses. In spirit more than geography Reno, Nevada is far away from New Orleans, the ground zero of the Edwards campaign of government dependence. Blaming the Fox Network is a very convenient excuse.

March 7, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Suddenly Everyone is Picking on Rudy.
Action: The liberal media has become very interested in Rudy Giuliani lately. Whether Rudy attended the high school functions of his children: plays, graduation, that sort of thing, has nothing to do with his ability to keep us safe, secure and prosperous, but the running scared liberals find this parental distance a salacious note of scandal to rally around. It's the fact that Rudy Giuliani is more liberal on social issues than most folks west of the Hudson and east of Death Valley that has the liberals worried. On gay rights, women's rights and gun control Rudy offers opinions far from the conservative Christian crowd, but they still support him. Republicans will vote en masse for someone they perceive to be a winner, even if they differ on certain fundamental issues. Swing voters from the Democratic Party who value a tough stance on crime and a conservative fiscal policy will also support Rudy. Just watch New Hampshire where voters can cross party lines in the primary.

March 6, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Will the Primary Season Survive South Carolina? Joe Says No.
Action: Senator Joe Biden finally got his name into the papers after months of trying. The last time Biden was quoted about the 2008 presidential campaign was when he praised Obama for having learned how to take a bath. Biden has now declared to an audience in South Carolina that the whole country awaits their decision. He should have said that the tiny media market of the Palmetto State is the only one he can afford. The interstate highways allow him to travel by car from town hall meetings to backwoods barbecue joints where he can meet the voters one on one. Jimmy Carter, the candidate, was born in Iowa in 1976. Biden is looking for a similar blessed event in 2008 less than 500 miles from the beltway.

March 5, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Superhero Wanted for President of Declining Civilization. Third Rail Experience Required.
Action: Who is going to grab all the third rails and twist them into pretzels the average American can stomach? George W. Bush found that Social Security was a challenge he could chase with a plastic dart gun. He fell flat on his face with a ridiculous privatization plan reeked of Wall Street, skinned his knee and went running home to Mama. Immigration is an issue as polarizing as Social Security. Bush aimed a Daisy BB Gun at Immigration and put out the eye of some Vietnamese landlord in a Texas meat packing town. Illegal drug use and its equally evil twin drug trafficking are prohibition issues as stark as those faced by Eliot Ness and his Untouchables. Every politician, judge and law enforcement officer in America is corrupted by illegal drugs. Who is the candidate who will even admit this fact? Anyone who can solve one of these problems is guaranteed a legacy as rich as Reagan's, two problems solved would reach FDR's heights of the Depression and World War Two. The superhero who puts all three of these problems to rest will be considered the equal of Lincoln. Who among ye are prepared for greatness?

March 2, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Casting Call One for Lead Characters the Movie.
Action: Contact the agents for the actors Rebecca de Mornay, James Gandolfini, Leon (formerly known as Leon Robinson), and Oliver Platt. Rebecca has played cold and calculating in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, anxious and hysterical in Identity. Her years with Leonard Cohen can only add to the performance. She's our Hillary Rodham Clinton. James Gandolfini is probably looking for a role that helps him leave Tony Soprano behind. Help him lose forty pounds and get him a pair of glasses. He's our Rudy Giuliani. Our preference is for a beautiful male model, someone never seen in theaters, but the bankers are forcing us to first line up a Barack Obama who can act. Leon, who played the leader of the Jamaican dog sled team in Cool Runnings has the height, the style and is just young enough. He's done biography three times as Jackie Wilson, David Ruffin and Little Richard. Get Leon under contract. Oliver Platt is our Bill Richardson. He may want the part to be expanded, but explain to him that a candidate for vice-president will be very sympatico for a supporting actor nomination.

March 1, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Primary Debates for President Should Limit Candidates After First Round.
Action: Republicans had to find new ways to say laugh in 2004. They guffawed, they chuckled, they giggled, they clucked and they hooted. And the source of all this merriment was Al Sharpton. His wit and wordplay were on display at so many debates and forums that he might as well have been scheduled as must see comic TV. What Republicans found so amusing was the way Democrats allowed Mr. Sharpton to dominate every debate and forum even though he was never viewed as a candidate capable of winning the nomination. His presence was a constant reminder that the Republican Party was for grown-ups. The must see Democrats were just for laughs. If the election of 2008 is to be considered the watershed event it is expected to be, both parties will need to field candidates who can command the attention of the American electorate without aiming zingers at their funny bones.

February 28, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Black Enough Woman Enough Hispanic Enough Right Enough.
Action: Because Barack Obama cannot trace his roots back to slave owners, say Strom Thurmond's family, like Al Sharpton can, some consider his candidacy as a Black American a fraud. Remember he is not running for president of the Black United States. Because Hillary Rodham Clinton has not done it on her own like Condoleezza Rice, some consider her candidacy as an accomplished woman a fraud. Remember she is not running for president of the Women's United States. Because Bill Richardson's father was a white banker in Boston, and his name sounds more Anglo than Latin, some consider his candidacy as the first Hispanic president a fraud. Remember he is not running for president of the Hispanic United States. Mitt Romney, John McCain and Rudy Giuliani are the three leading candidates of the Republican Party, yet all three face criticism for not being conservative enough on social issues considered important to the Christian Coalition. Remember they are not running for president of the Christian United States.

February 27, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: John Edwards Benefits from Barack Obama's Strength.
Action: If John Edwards were going toe to toe against Hillary Clinton, he'd already be asleep on the canvas. The Clinton machine will keep propping up John Edwards so certain voters always need to fill at least two boxes with their Not Hillary ballots. The notion that Not Hillary only exists as a candidate on the Republican side is wrong. There are plenty of blue collar voters who are appalled by the ease with which they are taken for granted by those they perceive as self serving elitists whose doors are only open while a campaign is in progress. Honest hard working Democrats don't want to be taken for rubes by those they consider to be grifters. These are the folks who represent the Not Hillary wing of the Democratic Party, and the Clinton campaign fears this group. Were Barack Obama to combine his Yes Obama supporters with the Not Hillary voters, the numbers would reach the parity of a race that could not be predicted. Meanwhile, John Edwards siphons off enough votes to keep the Clintons firmly ahead. This is why you may hear of supporters who donate the maximum cash to both the Clinton and the Edwards campaign war chests.

February 26, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Newt Gingrich Launches Stealth Campaign.
Action: Republicans will remember who delivered the House of Representatives in 1994 and after years of wandering in the wilderness as a band called the Coalition of the Defeated, the true believers will reject one false conservative after another and eventually come back to Newt Gingrich. So goes the thinking of the only man in the nineties who could match political wits with Bill Clinton. Were Newt but taller, were Newt but thinner, were Newt but named anything other than Newt Gingrich, he might already be a front runner in the White House Stakes Race. Alas, the pudgy little man who physically reminds one of Jolly Saint Nick, but whose name the mere mention of which causes nightmares at Christmas, must launch his campaign behind the scenes and wait for other candles to burn out before he can set his wick afire. Expect this light in time for Labor Day 2007.

February 25, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Hillary Clinton Already Showing Symptoms of Tunnel Vision.
Action: In San Francisco, home to the three sisters of liberal politics: Senators Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein and House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton declared her own husband to be the most popular man on the planet. Does Mrs. Clinton think she's married to Al Gore? Put the rotting corpse of Anna Nicole Smith in the middle of Monster Park and Bill Clinton stuffing his face with sourdough Jack burgers in the middle of Bob's Big Boy on Polk Street and see which venue fills up first. Surrounding herself with consultants, staffers, political yes-girls and the starry-eyed media, Hillary has a bad case of self inflicted tunnel vision. While candidate Barack Obama has a wife and kids plus convenience store clerks to keep him grounded, Hillary is alone in Washington and on the campaign trail except for people paid to keep her company.

February 24, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Tom Vilsack Takes the Lead of Candidates Leaving the Stage.
Action: Before Tom Vilsack opened the exit door of the 2008 presidential campaign, we scratched candidates before they officially dropped out. We won't let that happen again. Some like Ted Kennedy, Dick Cheney and Jeb Bush were scratched just for the fun of it. By getting in and out already, Vilsack has the distinction of being a leader of sorts. We'll take this opportunity to further thin the field. Good-bye, Tom Vilsack, Wes Clark, Tommy Thompson, Ron Paul, Mike Gravel, Duncan Hunter and Jim Gilmore - we hardly knew ye. If your name is Biden or Dodd, move fast if you want to get out before we put you out.

February 23, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Bill Richardson Sings I Got Your Back, Hillary.
Action: When former Laura Nyro boy toy, David Geffen gave an interview to Maureen Dowd of the New York Times, he sang Let's Get this Democratic Party Started. By slamming the Clintons as a team, thereby officially linking Hillary Rodham to the Devil of The Blue Dress in the Liars Poker Room, the billionaire fundraiser cranked up all the dials on the amplifiers. Hillary hit back with a tune called Namby Pamby. She said Barack Obama should pooh pooh Geffen and give back the money. This showed her as the sissy on the playground. Then Big Bill Richardson bullied his way into the fray with a soft rock version of Yeah, What She Said. Now Richardson has a bad case of the back street blues on his morning show because all the front office phones stopped ringing. The only donors calling the governor now are those representing the cockfighting lobby.

February 21, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Vanity Candidates Taking Up Space on the Bookshelf.
Action: Before there were blogs and sites like this, the lowest rung on the publishing ladder was the vanity press. The writer who was so desperate to have his words published and thereby immortalized would pay through the nose to any number of publishers who were happy to encourage these would be Faulkners, and make a pretty penny doing it. There are many political consultants who are just as happy to encourage would be Jimmy Carters. Vanity candidates for president are minted in the United States Senate by the dozens every decade. These characters have reached the sunset of their political careers. They won't give up public life until they have tried one last time for the big cigar. Chuck Hagel, Chris Dodd, Joe Biden and Sam Brownback are this year's version of the vanity candidate.

February 20, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Obama, History is Against the Exciting Candidate.
Action: The Democrats trot out an exciting candidate every couple election cycles, someone who energizes the youth and brings in the disenfranchised. In the recent past it was Howard Dean, Bill Bradley, Jesse Jackson and Eugene McCarthy. The exciting candidate is an orator, a fresh face, an outsider, sometimes an intellectual, but apparently also always a shill. The Democrats never nominate the exciting candidate. They use the exciting candidate to fill the registers with new Democrats, but when the election actually arrives, it's John Kerry, Al Gore, Michael Dukakis and Hubert Humphrey on the ballot. Barack Obama is the latest to fill the role. Hillary Clinton need do little more than wait for history to catch up to the exciting candidate in the 2008 cycle.

February 19, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: These Are The Early Primaries That Try Men's and a Woman's Soul.
Action: The Iowa and Nevada Caucuses, New Hampshire and South Carolina Primaries will be joined by Florida, Illinois, California and New Jersey for the demolition derby that will be presidential politics in 2008. After February 5, 2008 the two drivers who occupy machines still capable of making it around the track will be the candidates who'll face off in November. That is the story being spread far and wide among those who follow politics. It is not true, repeat, not true. The primaries that will strand broken presidential clunkers are already racing and colliding. The twin primaries of cash and ink have been rumbling out in the dusty fields for months. See our list of already disabled vehicles, we call them scratched, but it amounts to the same thing. George Allen, Evan Bayh, Mark Warner, Bill Frist, Russ Feingold, John Kerry and Tom Daschle all had cars when the green flag fell. Where are they now? They sit in the drivers only misery bar waiting for the next arrival. Among those currently experiencing radiator problems are Joe Biden, Chris Dodd and Tom Vilsack. They can't get the ink they need to sign the checks they hope to cash. Vilsack's feel good personal story of rising from humble beginnings was trumped by the Barack Obama story. Biden and Dodd are playing Tweedledum and Tweedledee in a senate as absurd as any place beyond the Looking Glass. The primaries that break hearts and crush souls are the media and money campaigns, and the results will be known before the first ballot drops.

February 18, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Candidates for Prez, Leave Your Husband and Wives at Home.
Action Standing next to his beautiful baby boomer wife, John McCain looks like he's waiting for her to serve him meals on wheels. Bill Clinton sucks so much air out of any room he enters that his wife, candidate Hillary, looks like she's two weeks from turning onto Madeline Albright whenever they appear together. Rudy Giuliani of Giuliani Partners, doesn't need note cards to thank his wife, Judith Nathan, for all his life's happiness since the year she moved him into an apartment with a couple of gay friends and out of the unhappy home he had with Donna Hanover. Ms Hanover, a television personality, was wife number one, if you don't count Regina Perrugi, who after fourteen years of wedded bliss to Giuliani was probably the first second cousin to be annulled from a presidential candidate's résumé. Our point here is not give any impression that we believe presidential politics will turn into God's Little Acre. But for the good of the country, let politics rage in the Times and the Post, not the Star and Enquirer. Let's leave the wives and husband back home where they can run the beer hauling business and tend to the tsunamis and hurricanes of everyday life.

February 17, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: John Edwards Can't Stop Singing I'm Sorry.
Action: John Edwards made a mistake when he was a one term senator. The one important issue that came to a vote during his short tenure in the United States Senate was the Iraq War. Edwards now says he got the vote wrong. Twenty-three senators got the vote right as did 133 members of the House of Representatives. Out of 535 members of Congress, 156 voted to withhold the authority to invade Iraq on the intelligence provided by the administration. Since spring training is just around the corner, what would that be as batting average? .291 - not Hall of Fame, but respectable enough to play everyday. So the good average everyday player was right, while the 2008 candidate for president was wrong. No wonder everywhere Edwards goes he sings that same song, the Brenda Lee classic, I'm Sorry: 'I'm sorry, so sorry / That I was such a fool.' Of course, Brenda Lee is in the Hall of Fame.

February 16, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: What Role do Pardons Play in Dynasty Politics?
Action: President Bill Clinton spent a large part of January 20, 2001, his last day in office, signing 158 pardons for relatives, old friends, political associates and others deemed deserving of a presidential pardon. One has come to expect these final day pardons from presidents. Ronald Reagan and George H W Bush also granted plenty. However, neither Nancy Reagan nor Barbara Bush had aspirations of returning to the White House as the Pardoner in Chief. Although pardons can be granted at any time during a president's term in office as Gerald Ford demonstrated with the Richard Nixon pardon, in most cases, the president waits until his final days in office. Whether an honored tradition or another calculated cynical act of political gall, the last day pardons do not usually weigh on the president since he is beyond reproach by the time the pardons are granted. Hillary Clinton has Bill's pardons in the baggage she must carry on her journey to become the first former First Lady to assume presidential duties. It is more of a problem because Hillary's brothers, Tony Rodham, the former son-in-law of United States Senator Barbara Boxer of San Francisco, California and the father of the grandchild Ms Boxer used to bully childless Condi Rice, and Hugh Rodham, Jr. were accused of accepting money to lobby for presidential pardons. Dynasty politics bring charges of nepotism out in front of the voters. It didn't hurt the Bushes, perhaps because they followed the traditional father son path. Bill and Hillary Rodham Clinton are following the example of George Wallace, Governor of Alabama and his wife Lurleen, First Lady first, then Governor of Alabama. That's a path never before seen on the national trail.

February 15, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Obama, Edwards Play Left Together Leaving Hillary Center and Right.
Action: In 2004 Howard Dean claimed to represent the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party. In Iowa, that was good for third place. For 2008 that wing will be divided by Barack Obama, who takes home all the passionate newly enfranchised voters, and John Edwards who takes what's left. That leaves everyone in the center and on the Republican wing of the Democratic Party for Hillary Clinton. It is a strategic blunder to grant Hillary so many votes. Even as Obama and Edwards are claiming the anti-war issue for the primaries, they hope they'll be able to muster toughness in time for the general election. Hillary shows tough now, ands stays tough. Her goal is to win the general election. Obama and Edwards appear content to win the primary.

February 14, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: The Top Prize in Politics Voters Guard with Envy and Jealousy
Action: How many see a presidential election as a chance to advance issues and ideology? How many more see it as a popularity contest that must be deserved by character and personality? Among things heard during the last campaign: "I won't vote for Kerry because I like Laura Bush , and I can't stand that Theresa Heinz." That came from a life long Democrat, a male octogenarian who lives in public housing on social security. These voters are not likely fundraising activists or grassroots organizers. Their influence only shows up at the actual election day polls. Among the many swing vote independents, the socially liberal but fiscally conservative, the block du jour: be it NASCAR Dads or Soccer Moms, the guardians of the prize remain the group to whom no one can kowtow. Their vote is one of intuition, where the gray matter meets instinct in all its jealous, envious, prejudicial glory.

February 13, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Cockfighting Becomes Issue for Bill Richardson of New Mexico.
Action: The governor of New Mexico is doing his best to diffuse his cockfighting problem early enough in the 2008 cycle that he can claim it either already solved or old news. Like Louisiana, New Mexico has never outlawed the violent sporting life that is organized cockfighting. It is illegal, though not of unheard of, to wager on the outcome of two professionally trained roosters who wear enhanced barbs on their claws. Anyone who has seen The Cincinnati Kid knows what fun it is to watch these birds going at it in a pit while beautiful women like Ann-Margret and cool guys like Steve McQueen urge them to kill, kill, kill. The barbs actually add a little humanity to the barbaric event as they enhance the bloodletting, thus hastening the end and easing the suffering for the poor rooster who was put into the ring to kill or die. Big Bill Richardson has decided there's no sense in trying to talk to the public about the barbs or about the sport or even about states' rights. The demands on a presidential candidate are spelled out clearly. If you want money from Tyson Foods, you don't put the chickens in a bad light.

February 12, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Shrewdly Rudy Stayed Out of a Senate Fight He Could Not Win.
Action: Rudy Giuliani let down political and media machines intent on having Hillary Clinton for lunch back in 2000. The table was set with the New York senate seat vacated by Daniel Patrick Moynihan. Rudy was already the darling of the law and order crowd, the old time sheriff who tamed the roughest toughest city in a America. He put Walt Disney World where porn shops used to stand, and left the Civil Liberties Union sucking wind as they ate dust trying to keep up with the former prosecutor. At first, some wondered why carpetbagger Mrs. Bill Clinton would even risk such a fight so early in her new career as something more than a wife. But the minds of the great politicians are not like the minds of scientists and engineers. They aren't out to test data and solve problems. They are bent on reading the minds of other politicians. Hillary Clinton knew she could go to the senate and still not be weighed down with a senator's stigma. She was after all, in her mind anyway, the co-president from 1992 through 2000. Everyone would know that this senate seat was only a base for her, a place to launch fund raisers. She also knew that Rudy knew that he might be flattened out in the senate to where he'd appear as catatonic as the rest. Hillary considered it a safe bet that, faced with any challenge, Rudy would decide he'd rather be governor when the Albany mansion was available. He would not call her bet. Hillary proved to be a top tier player. The shrewdness of Rudy Giuliani proved itself over time. Since he did not go all in back in 2000, his chip count is looking good in 2008. Politics - where chess meets poker.

February 11, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Obama Means to End the Era of the Boomers.
Action: Barack Obama's call for new leadership means that the short era of baby boomer presidents will end after two. Among the many firsts his candidacy represents is also the first Generation Next campaign. If Barack Obama wins the nomination from the Democratic side, he will put voters to a choice of going Next or returning to the Old Guard represented by John McCain or Rudy Giuliani both pre-baby boomers in fact and spirit. After being born into the Harry Truman era, sleeping through the Eisenhower era, awakening to the Kennedy reign and then suffering through Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan and George Herbert Walker Bush, the baby boomers are already flagging under the pressure after just two attempts. That's the true message of the New Leadership campaign.

February 10, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Almost President Al Gore Discovers Life After Politics
Action: Al Gore, the inventor and Powerpoint presenter, has now discovered what Ben Franklin showed the Founding Fathers so many years ago: you don't need to be president to get your face on the one hundred dollar bill. The ever expanding girth combined with the even greater expansion of his horizons, has made Al Gore a worthy channel for the first American from Philadelphia, whose imagination was not limited to war and peace, power and control. As Al spreads his wings and soars heavenward, we regret our loss in this petty business of touting the ambitious void fillers who seek the highest office, and for a moment salute a man who sees the world as the only house worth fighting for.

February 9 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Senators Show Why Senators Don't Occupy the White House.
Action: Night after night, television news shows give senators from many states the chance to show that they are not the gasbags they appear to be on television news shows night after night, but night after night on television news shows, these senators from many states show that they are the gasbags that appear on television news shows night after night. The caricatures from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington become reality. John Edwards has already renounced his vote on the Iraq War; he should renounce his entire six years in the senate. What happens to these men and women when they take the oath to serve the senate that hard charging, can-do, type-A candidates become stumbling, bumbling, mumbling marching band members who try to play the tuba and the piccolo at the same time while keeping their lines straight as they march on the diagonal? Senator, thank you. Senator, please, don't try to answer that; it was a rhetorical question. Senator, please, we're out of time.

February 8 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Hillary Clinton Goes The Amway Way to Raise 500 Million Dollars Not a Pyramid Scheme.
Action: Don't be surprised if an old friend invites you to a little get-together whose purpose will remain vague but it's not a pyramid scheme. Someone appears with a whiteboard and a holster of felt markers. The young, clean cut leader of the group starts talking about how a few friends can gather together to change the world, and he shows the power of exponential growth that is not a pyramid scheme. You'll know that you're in the presence of a would-be, wanna-be, gonna-be Friend of Hill when he says, "You'll learn how you can start your own team. Reach out to your old college chums and people who worked with you at summer camp. Make a list of everyone you know who believes in America and wants to be part of something great that is not a pyramid scheme. When Hillary gets to the White House, she'll remember all the friends who helped her, all those wonderful friends of friends of friends of friends. The best way to start is put in the maximum $4600 per household adult so you can get access to a regional team leader who will help you set-up parties of your own that are not pyramid schemes." All the wonderful friends, the friends who raise a million dollars will be remembered, even some who don't quite make it to a million will be remembered. Vince Foster will be remembered. Jim McDougal will be remembered.

February 7, 2007
Title: The Flannery O'Connor Memorial Presidential Election Race: Fatal Eruptions Bring Out the Best and Worst in Candidates
Action: The 2008 campaign may prove to be the Flannery O'Connor election. To quote from A Good Man is Hard to Find, “She would of been a good woman,” the Misfit said, “if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life.” With the campaign going full out this early and the media stoking it with coverage, plus Youtube and the Gotcha cell phone paparazzi, it appears inevitable that momentary lapses like John Kerry's botched joke or Joe Biden's praises of Obama will hurt or even doom campaigns. We remember when George W. Romney, presidential candidate in 1968, expressed his recent education on Viet Nam as brainwashing in a radio interview and how that sunk an ambitious political career, while also signaling the end of the era when "What's good for General Motors is good for America." After the Swift Boat bushwhacking incident of John Kerry in the 2004 campaign and his failure to respond early and forcefully, we do not expect the 2008 incidents to be external. Although the Kerry joke and the Biden praises only sealed the fates of two guys who weren't going to win anyway, the George Allen macaque moment which technically killed his chances to win a Virginia senate seat should also be considered the first fatal eruption of the 2008 presidential campaign, since the senate re-election campaign was widely viewed as but a tune-up race for Allen's White House run. A properly composed candid photo of Barack Obama sneaking a cigarette, or a short Youtube video of Hillary Clinton going postal on the hired help may be enough to tip the balance for those many fence sitters who decide primary elections.

February 6, 2007
Title: 1968 Presidential Election Race: John Edwards Stakes His Claim to the People's Vote.
Action: If you make more than $200,000, President John Edwards is going to raise your taxes. Raise your taxes. Raise taxes. To a crowd of kids whose parents all make more than $200,000, John Edwards declares, "Kids, I'm going to help you stick it to your parents. You and me, and your parents' money are going to save the world, one underweight American girl at a time." This is one Perry Mason who has Paul Drake working overtime. Where does Edwards find these underfed little girls? Quick, send the Fashionistas. The girls won't eat any better, but they'll be rich and unloved. Former trial lawyer Edwards has taken the class action lawsuit to a whole new national level. Barack Obama has his Audacity of Hope, John Edwards has The Mendacity of Despair. Like a slick adman, he first contrives a problem, as evidenced by the New Orleans declaration, then he offers himself as the solution. Just throw in the anti-war movement and it's the Sixties.Funny, it didn't seem so phony then. Maybe it's the text messaging.

February 5, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Who Is Hillary Clinton If She Were a Man?
Action: Where does the country go under the direction of President Hillary Rodham Clinton? To learn that prophesy, we need to know who does Ms. Clinton closely resemble of the former presidents. Since there has never been a woman in the job, we must compare her to the men who have held the office. Education and military service records offer no clues since no US President has attended a women's college except perhaps as captain of the panty raid team, and Hillary has served the military only as a visiting dignitary and as a member of the Senate's Armed Services Committee. Her experience in the governor's mansion of Arkansas or the White House as the wronged spouse (but equal partner) could hardly be matched by any of the previous 43 presidents. The lack of oratorical skills also limits the ability to compare Hillary to previous presidents. Let's add some grease to the fire to warm things up a bit. Lawyer, hard working, single minded, politically astute, personality gray listed, willing to do the work and give someone else the credit. As close as we can see she's Martina Van Buren. Of modern candidates, the one she most closely resembles is Al Gore.

February 4, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Bill Richardson Urges Democrats to Stay Positive. Betrayals Await.
Action: How will the Dirty Tricks Department manage to keep all the candidates appear positive while behind the scenes the snide derisions make the point, hit the mark, and kiss the cheek in betrayal? Issues will not be enough to shape the primary race because everyone is for health care, education and energy independence and against the war, windfall profits and George W. Bush. Republicans have stated publicly again and again that the candidate they want to run against is Hillary R. Clinton Whether they believe she'll be a weak candidate or because they'll amass untold fortunes in donor contributions from the Anybody But Her crowd, Hillary is the clear choice of the GOP. Her strategy could well be: stay positive, cautious and error free and let the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy rough up the boys while she plays cheerleader on the sideline. If that script holds, she wins in a walk. It is hard to believe the Seven Dwarfs have come this far in their political careers to allow that to happen, unless each one holds but the secret desire to be Mr. Snow White.

February 2, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Fellow Democratic Candidates Confer Sainthood On Barack Obama.
Action: The many Democratic candidates who are not called charismatic, not called rock stars and are not considered breaths of fresh air have been working their Howard Dean defense on Barack Obama. Even Hillary is pretending to be the underdog to Saint Barack. Forcing expectations ever higher for Obama could prove to be an Halloween Gambit, if by October 2007, half the field has dropped out and thrown their support behind the senator from Illinois. His experience in national politics will have grown by fifty percent by the time Iowa holds the first in the nation primary caucus, so the main complaint against the Obama will be somewhat muted.

February 1, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Joe Biden to Finance Campaign with Credit Card Debt.
Action: Joe Biden of Delaware announced his intention to max out his credit cards to pay tuition at the Trent Lott Elocution Academy. Biden's attempt to pander to the Barack Obama entourage by expressing effusive praise with words that reeked of condescension and historical ignorance reminds us how out of touch career politicians can be. Lucky for Biden, who is trying to become the first Old White Guy from Delaware to win the White House, his support comes mainly from credit card companies who use him every few years as their Democratic stooge to push usury contracts through the United State Senate. Historical notes: Delaware voted on February 18, 1865 to reject the 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution. Integrated schools became a fact in Delaware in the mid 1950s.

January 31, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: The Real Issues: War in Iraq Will End. What About Illegal Immigration?
Action: The Democrats want the battle for 2008 to be about George W. Bush and Iraq. The Republicans want the election to be about the economy. The election of the next president will not ride on either of those issues. The Iraq War will end. When and how ugly are the only details left. That issue is off the table for 2008. The economy will rise and fall, boom and bust cycles will not be ironed out by politics. No one will be foolish enough to do a Walter Mondale on the subject of taxes. Climate change and energy will settle into their usual positions as second tier issues. That leaves immigration and illegal immigration as the defining issues. The candidate who can clearly define a position that is acceptable to 50.1 per cent of the electorate will be the next president.

January 31, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: John Edwards Out of Office Makes A Bad Donor Bet.
Action: Since former senator John Edwards' full time job is presidential campaigner, he loses out on a prime source of political donations. Two thousand dollars to Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama buys a named line on a list of donors to a senator of the United States. Whether that senator makes it to the White House or not, the donor has paid for access to an influencer who has clout now. Tom Vilsack, the former governor of Iowa, is in the same boat as Edwards. They risk coming up short on the funds raised list because they're pure futures plays. Clinton, Obama, Joe Biden and even Dennis Kucinich, the Ohio congressman who is running on an anti-war platform, are working on Capitol Hill - they have seats with the power of earmarks.

January 30, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: John Edwards is Running in Place in Iowa.
Action: The man has been campaigning for nearly four years with a short sabbatical while he was the vice-presidential candidate, yet John Edwards cannot close the deal in Iowa, the only state where this kind of years long door to door campaigning will make a difference. In 2004, his second place finish was an accomplishment, albeit a hollow one, since John Kerry's come from behind victory sealed the nomination for him and left Edwards in the position of trying to stay positive throughout the primary season in order to get the second spot. Sad to get what is wanted only to find the suit does not fit. Edwards was a terrible candidate for veep. His phony man's best friend poses next to his master made the young looking Edwards appear juvenile. That image is seared into the minds of many, and accounts for the poor showing in Iowa so far. It also explains the 'something is missing' characterization.

January 29, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Hillary Clinton Warms Up a Winter Weary Iowa.
Action: She's so warm. You can tell she's really a warm person. Deep down inside she's so warm and intelligent. The warmth of the woman has melted the hearts of so many Iowans that January feels like April. Reality check: She's not running for Den Mother. Hillary doesn't want media people to talk about her hair or her clothes, because that would appear to feminize the debate. Although some may recall her husband's Take Off Haircut that kept Air Force One on the ground, or John Kerry's bouffant that somehow kept him from appearing like 'One of us,' Hillary wants to lead the debate to something about issues. So she talks about health care and children. And that leads to how warm she is. As she continues to drive that idea across Interstate 80, Ms Caliente Clinton keeps warming up the planet, and that gives all those ethanol burning corn farmers a kind of a warm glow.

January 28, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Primary Dates Become Race Within Race as Corn Meets Oil in Local Level Lobby.
Action: Iowa and New Hampshire may survive, but they will be bowed and bloody if the many states that aim for relevance in selecting nominees get their wish of Super Tuesday I on February 5, 2008. Ducking the scrutiny of Iowa will allow the anti-ethanol-subsidy candidates a chance to stay true to themselves without the necessary 'shoot self in foot' or 'place foot in mouth' actions the corn caucuses can cause. The corn lobby will not let this go unchallenged. Members of the state legislatures of Michigan, Illinois, Florida, New Jersey and California look to benefit from the Cargills, Archer Daniel Midlands, ConAgras and John Deeres even as the Exxons, BPs, Shells and other OPEC nations do their part to maintain a balanced conversation. At last, K Street money will find its way out of Washington and onto the streets of Kalamazoo, Joliet, Bradenton, Egg Harbor and Petaluma.

January 27, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Hollywood Writes Small Checks and Gets Big Publicity.
Action: Liz Taylor writes out a check for Hillary Clinton of something just over two thousand dollars, and for that she gets a quote in the AP that may sell more than a million dollars worth of perfume. George Clooney, who's sitting on another box office dud called 'something something German', is a good buddy and fan of Barack Obama, according to his publicist, Stan something, who agrees to be quoted by name. Hollywood knows what real publicity costs, and thanks to campaign finance reform, a check for two thousand bucks is buying space usually reserved for Paris, Brangelina and celebrity gift bags. Joe Biden, Duncan Hunter and Mike Huckabee get their official entries stamped.

January 26, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Democrats Have a Power Line Problem as They Try to Win the West.
Action: The Democrats are looking for help to win the West in 2008 for the first time since LBJ. They expect help from immigrant populations and new Westerners who are really re-settled Easterners. The problem that the Dems have created for themselves is the power line that stretches from San Francisco to Boston. From San Francisco: Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein, over to Chicago: Barack Obama and Rahm Emanuel, to New York: Hillary Clinton, Charlie Rangel and Chuck Schumer and up to Boston: Ted Kennedy, John Kerry and Barney Frank - Democratic name recognition is one long urban power line, or northern money train to use a different metaphor.Being part of the clique may help a candidate running for president of the student council, but the West is not won by sissies.

January 25, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Looking for Goldilocks to Run for President
Action: After the tape where John McCain appears to be sleeping through the State of the Union Address opened the door to McCain's age as an issue, let's look at why no one is right for a nomination. McCain: too old. Barack Obama: too new. Rudy Giuliani: too many wives (three). Hillary Clinton: too many husbands (one). Mitt Romney: too smooth. Jim Webb: too rough. Al Gore: too big. Mike Bloomberg: too small. Tom Tancredo: too many immigrants. John Edwards: two Americas.

January 25, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Chuck Hagel Runs His Own Republican Peace Movement.
Action: Senator Hagel from Nebraska is staking out virgin territory as he plants his flag in the non-Democratic side of the anti-war movement. Hagel should appeal to many in the GOP who are charter party members, chamber of commerce types, rather than social members like the Evangelical Right. The states new primary schedule may help limit the South Carolina effect. Couple this with an opening in Iowa - frontrunner John McCain hates ethanol subsidies and has a history of snubbing the corn farmers' caucuses - and Hagel could be well positioned for a Gene McCarthy type insurgency.

January 24, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Enter Jim Webb. Scratch John Kerry.
Action: The Democrats show they are willing to trade for a warrior. Acting like a major league baseball team with a hole to fill, the Democrats sent Joe Lieberman over to the Republicans and got Jim Webb of Virginia in return. They were happy to show off their new clean up hitter on the big stage. Batting against the George W. Bush State of the Union Address, Webb took advantage of the president's weakness on Iraq, and knocked him out of the park three times on three swings: "I served in Vietnam, you didn't. My kid's getting shot at in the desert, yours are knocking down shots at some country club. Reagan chose me to be Secretary of the Navy, the Gipper sent you out for submarine sandwiches." Long term, the Dems view Webb as the one who can stand toe to toe with John McCain. Scratch John Kerry.

January 23, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Hillary Sees John Edwards as the Real Challenger - She Knows He's Not Willing to be Number 2.
Action: As the Hillary versus Barack contest plays out under the lights, HRC, the former Goldwater Girl, knows in her heart that, "It's only ginger ale." Unless Al Gore joins the fight, her only real threat for the nomination is John Edwards. Why? Because all the others would be happy to sit in the same booth with Hillary even if that means sipping from the shorter straw. She knows they know she will not be Number 2, and she knows they know she knows they are ready to settle for second place on the ticket. Only Al Gore and John Edwards who have more or less seen the second banana job from the inside are real Alphas.

January 22, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: All Hillary Weekend Puts Pressure on Al Gore to Speak Up While He's Still Fat
Action: Al Gore read a script where he would arrive on Oscar night in a suit by Armani, be interviewed on the red carpet by Joan Rivers and announce to the nation via the TV Guide Channel that he was "in to win" - not just the gold plated statuette - but the brass ring - the Oval Office. But a funny thing happened on the way to the Kodak: Hillary broke through a football weekend and captured 48 hours of news time - just by telling the world what it already knew. Talk about Inconvenient Truth.

January 20, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Hillary Rodham Clinton Declares: I Want To Be POTUS.
Action: The former First Lady and current junior senator from New York announces she is ready for the job and is willing to hit the campaign trail. The heat from the early entries of legitimate contenders Obama, Edwards and Richardson probably rushed her in the declaration. Hillary could not allow these fellows to work the living rooms of her donors. By campaigning now, she hopes to shake all the money trees before the more powerful orators can catch their breath. The pressure on Al Gore will be fierce. Expect word from the former Vice President's personal trainer between now and red carpet night.

.January 19, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Al Gore Gets the Nomination - Academy Award for Truth; Big Bill Richardson Declares.
Action: We predict the Hollywood committee will be honoring Gore with a message award nomination for his documentary film, An Inconvenient Truth. The inventor of the internet shows the book tour is passé - at least for Al. Been there, done that and LOST. Another exploratory committee set up, this time by governor and baseball fan, Bill Richardson. Mike Huckabee, former obese governor of Arkansas and now svelte man from Hope with a diet book slips into the GOP race.

January 16, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Barack Obama Gets His Feet Wet. Tancredo Brings Immigration Issue to Iowa.
Action: With the announcement of the exploratory committee, Obama keeps his books selling, and fills out the news cycle before George W. Bush delivers his State of the Union Address, and Jim Webb slams the president with a rebuttal. The go slow approach may prove prudent for Obama. Bringing the immigration issue to Iowa, Colorado's Tom Tancredo steps into the GOP race.

January 15, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Early Nevada Caucuses Give Bill Richardson a Boost.
Action: Governor of New Mexico has the chops to impress the West. Will work into a good position to earn the second seat at the table. Big Bill will stay positive all the way. Everyone will love him.Sam Brownback stands apart from the GOP crowd with strong credentials as a fiscal conservative.

January 13, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Hillary in Afghanistan. The Hawk Has Landed.
Action: Hillary looks presidential. Visits the troops and sits with Karzai in Afghanistan. She's showing Bill's skills at image building at work Al Gore will remember how smoothly Hillary worked the troops room in Bosnia. It's stand up or lay down time for seventeen dwarfs.

January 11, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Need Two More Democrats for Snow Blonde and the Seventeen Dwarfs
Action: Add Chris Dodd to Dennis Kucinich, Mike Gravel, Wes Clark, Tom Dashle, Joe Biden, Tommy Thompson, John Edwards, John Kerry, Barack Obama, Al Gore, Bill Richardson, Ed Rendell, Al Sharpton and Tom Vilsack.

January 10, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Gore Stays Strong, McCain Holds Stubborn Surge, Senators Hillary, Obama and Kerry Made to Look Weak
Action: President George W. Bush has made every Democratic senator with White House aspirations look weak by his ramming the surge down their throats. Powerless to stop him, they accept the arrangement and pony up funding "for the sake of the troops in the field." The photograph of Barack Obama at the beach in Hawaii can't enhance his image of strength. Former senators John Edwards and Al Gore benefit from not being horse collared.

January 8, 2007
Title: 2008 Presidential Election Race: Gore Loses Weight - Gains Lead, McCain Stumbles with Stubborn Surge, Hillary Holds Inside, Obama Falls Back
Action: John McCain loses ground by sticking with the Surge. Meanwhile, Al Gore looks like he's dropped a pound and appears on Oprah's After Hours. Hillary Clinton looked a little foolish holding her hand up while heavyweights Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney share endless jocularity during the Senator's swearing-in ceremony. News of Barack Obama's first book Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance gives UpTighty Whitey the excuse he's been looking for.

2008 Presidential Race

Brand Obama and Joe Biden My Time

All Pain No McCain and Sarah Toga Palin
Morning Line: Barack Obama 9 to 5John McCain 3 to 1
Scratched: Bill Frist, Russ Feingold, George Allen, Evan Bayh, Mark Warner, Jeb Bush, Dick Cheney, Ted Kennedy, Colin Powell, Ed Rendell, Condoleezza Rice, John Kerry, Tom Daschle, George Pataki, Tom Vilsack, Wes Clark, Jim Gilmore, Al Sharpton, Tommy Thompson, Newt Gingrich, Chuck Hagel, Sam Brownback, Tom Tancredo, Chris Todd, Joe Biden, Bill Richardson, Fred Thompson, Dennis Kucinich, Rudy Giuliani, John Edwards, Mitt Romney, Mike Bloomberg, Duncan Hunter, Mike Gravel, Mike Huckabee, Ron Paul, Hillary Clinton
Did Not Qualify: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush for Sale. Email offers to Subject: Don't have a million bucks? Ask about the lease option.

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